Resolving Conflict, Anger, and Negativity in the Workplace

This article is a re-post - originally written by Virginia Matthews and published in PersonnelToday.com.


If you would like to learn how to nip work rage in the bud, then sign up for our upcoming session of "Resolving Conflict, Anger, and Negativity in the Workplace". This 1/2 day session will expose the truth about conflict and negativity, and provide practical strategies that you can immediately begin using upon your return to work. The next workshop takes place Friday, February 12, 2010 at The FRONT, 283 St. Paul Street, St. Catharines, from 8:30 to Noon. Register online today!

To register for the February 12th morning session, click here.

ENJOY THE ARTICLE!
The traditionally curmudgeonly British character shouldn’t lead us to overlook the risks anger at work can pose to staff health and wellbeing, writes Virginia Matthews.

Victor Meldrew-style grumpiness may be a familiar part of British life, but according to author and critic AA Gill, writing in The Angry Island, the English are also "naturally, congenitally, collectively and singularly livid much of the time... incensed, incandescent, splenetic, prickly, touchy, and fractious... they're living on top of a keg of fulminating fury."

And the anger isn't restricted to road, shopping or Naomi Campbell-style air-rage either.

Work rage
According to recent research from employment law firm Peninsula, eight in 10 of us suffer from 'work rage' triggered by anything from lazy colleagues to ill-defined job roles. As many as seven in 10 report that verbal abuse and shouting is common in their place of work.
Seeing a colleague hurl their BlackBerry at the wall or square-up to an unpopular boss may be diverting at the time, but according to Dirk Hansen, director of clinical and service quality at Employee Advisory Resource, a persistently angry colleague can be highly disruptive in a team.
"Anger makes people say hurtful things and it triggers insecurity and lack of trust. Staff may become tentative in their approach to a colleague with anger problems, obstructing the work process and flow, and in the case of explosive anger, may become fearful of violence."

He advocates a zero-tolerance approach when the red mist comes down. "Line management should directly confront any individual who exhibits anger in the workplace and HR should not hesitate to deal with it in a disciplinary context."

Mike Fisher, founder of the British Association of Anger Management, says most organisations are in denial over work-rage, making it "the hot potato that nobody wants to touch".
He argues that while stress, anxiety or low self-esteem are already familiar territory to managers, the gnawing rage suffered inwardly by some staff tends to be hidden under a veneer of self-deprecation and sarcasm.

"While HR has come to embrace the problem of work-induced stress, the anger that invariably follows it is still the elephant in the room," says Fisher, a self-confessed 'passive-aggressive'.
"Yet this is a problem that will only continue to rise along with the country's current economic problems," he adds.

Although most flare-ups at work are minor – an oath, a phone banged down or a slammed desk drawer – work rage can, on occasions, be dramatic. Paul Dubois, senior anger management instructor at Reed Learning, talks of the two senior surgeons referred to him after they set upon one another with scalpels and knives in an operating theatre: Ivan Robertson of occupational psychologists Robertson Cooper, remembers seeing a colleague coolly smash every single window pane in his office with a metal waste basket.

Calculated subversion
In Fisher's view, though, the problem of "calculated subversion" is far more of a danger to most employers. "Although it is still deemed acceptable in our society for senior directors to blow their tops and bawl out colleagues, overt aggression is very rare among the lower ranks."
For those workers who feel they don't have a voice at work, undermining the organisation at every possible opportunity can be a far more subtle and deadly way of fighting back, he says.
"Spending extra time at lunch and on breaks is a favourite, as is lying on expenses forms. Angry staff will also spread malicious rumours, phone in sick when it's most inconvenient, be less caring towards customers and be downright obstreperous towards new members of staff," Fisher says.
"You won't even realise what they've been doing until there's a wave of resignations or you lose your biggest customers or contracts."

When it comes to figuring out why we are so angry in the first place – and the rage appears to affect teachers and doctors as much as call centre or sales staff – the consensus of opinion is that lack of autonomy and control, as well as ill-defined work roles, are the number-one suspects, along with mounting workloads and smaller staff numbers.

In the Metropolitan Police, which recently launched 'Shrinking Clouds', a toolkit that aims to combat absenteeism, it is stress, not anger, that receives the most attention.
"I've never yet seen a doctor's note that says: 'Mr So-and-So is off work due to anger problems'," says chief medical officer Dr Eileen Cahill-Canning.
"I consider stress to be a far less pejorative word than anger and far easier for people to talk about, even though the two are inextricably linked."

She adds: "Our officers are highly trained not to react emotionally or angrily when faced with highly stressful situations. While it is possible that repressing anger in this way could lead to severe problems later on, we believe our concentration on stress, together with our falling absenteeism levels, speak for themselves."

The right target
For many organisations, anger management only hits the radar when there's been 'an incident' – a shouting match in the middle of the accounts department, or wilful damage to company property. Yet the individual chosen to receive lessons in managing their anger is not always the right one, says Dubois. "In many cases, employers are happy to blame individual members of staff for the outburst against a manager, without examining either whether their treatment at work has been fair or finding out whether there's another reason – perhaps a deeply personal one – for their display of anger."

"Although our courses tend to be filled with staff, not their managers, in nine cases out of 10, I would argue that it is actually their bosses who need to manage their anger better too," he says. "Ultimately, we teach people how to say 'no' to their employer, but to do it in an assertive, rather than aggressive way that avoids both manipulating others and resorting to threats or violence."

Police stress
If you are a police officer walking the streets of somewhere like Peckham or Brixton, it is highly likely that you will need to take time out on a regular basis when the stress of the job gets too much, says chief medical officer Dr Eileen Cahill-Canning.

“We train our managers to pick up on any signs of their officers performing less well or being preoccupied – being different to their usual selves really – and whether they are referred to occupational health for assessment or choose to self-refer, all treatment is confidential and voluntary.

“If their stress levels – and this can of course include repressed anger – mean they are no longer fit for work, or are not coping, we encourage them to have a break from their front-line, operational duties. We call this being switched to a ‘recuperative role’, and it means they are treated, in effect, as back-office staff until they are fully recovered,” Cahill-Canning says.
“Life getting on top of you is a pretty common occurrence in the Met – whether caused by stress at work or problems in their private lives – and having invested so much time, energy and money in these men, we do all we can to help them recover from stress rather than see them walk out of the door.”

Virginia Matthews (About this Author)
www.PersonnelToday.com
Tuesday, 02 September 2008

Coming up on Anger Solutions Radio

Thank you to everyone who in the early days of the launch of our new baby, the Anger Solutions Radio (hosted by Blog Talk Radio) have shown your support! Listenership is growing weekly, and I am so grateful to our past and future guests for sharing their time with all of us. We have some great programs lined up over the next several weeks - here's a snapshot of what's to come.

This Friday, listen in as we are joined by Shane Flannigan, President of Giant Life Solutions as he talks about "The Art of Reinvention". Shane is a master at re-defining life on his terms; an art he developed after a traumatic incident ended his career in law enforcement. If you have encountered workplace bullying, burnout, or any kind of trauma in the workplace, and are in the process of recovery, be sure to listen in on this interview. Shane will keep you laughing and feeling optimistic as he shares his story. Learn more about Shane at http://www.giantlifesolutions.com.

Then, on a special day and time, Tuesday, February 2nd at 10 a.m. I'll be speaking with Christian musical legend, Bryan Duncan. Bryan started his career with the Sweet Comfort Band in the 70s and later launched a very successful solo career. With exceptional musical talent and an unmistakably smooth, soulful voice, Bryan's music has been a part of my life for over 20 years. He now is part of a new band, NehoSoul, and has launched into the world of writing blogs and authoring books. Bryan will be sharing some insights learned along the way throughout his career, as well as talking about his experiences and lessons learned from anger management classes. Bryan will also be telling us about his new book, “Dear God, Really?” Prayers You Won't Hear in Church, due out in a couple of months on line at www.deargodreally.com.

Also coming up in February, Richard Elmes, the Sales Dating Guy (www.richardelmes.com) - to do a special Valentines episode with me, and chiropractor/professional lacrosse player, Pat Maddalena (www.acceleratedhealthcentre.com) to discuss how a healthy spine can positively affect your mental health. As always, I'll be posting their interviews here on the blog site, and linking back to their sites so you can learn more about them.

In March, we have a special treat! Rich Fettke (www.fettke.com) has helped thousands of entrepreneurs and salespeople improve their businesses and their lives. He is the author of Extreme Success and the audio programs, FOCUS and Momentum. Rich will be our guest on March 5th to talk about self-esteem, extreme stress, and the power of momentum. Don't miss this exciting show!

We have lots more that we're gearing up for as winter turns to spring. I hope you'll listen in - and remember that the shows are all archived, so even if you can't listen live, you can always check back here for the latest episode, or of course, go directly to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/julie-christiansen and the most recent episode will be readily available, along with all the archived programs. Enjoy!

Personal Branding Guru, Paul Copcutt

This was a great show with Paul - he is a real pro when it comes to matters of personal branding. If you are in transition, thinking about switching jobs, or moving into a new career - you MUST listen to this interview. Lots of great tidbits and worth the listen.

Check out Paul's website at : http://www.squarepegsolution.com.

Dr. Lisa Barrow Exposes Workplace Bullying

Great interview with Dr. Lisa Barrow, author of In Darkness Light Dawn: Exposing Workplace Bullying. Listen in and enjoy!



Next week, listen LIVE at 10 a.m. when I talk with Paul Copcutt, Canada's leading brand strategist, as he discusses the Power of a Personal Brand.

Anger Solutions Radio Finds a Home on blog Talk Radio

Starting in January 2010, I am very excited to bring you a new venture: The Anger Solutions Radio Show - hosted by yours truly, the Anger Lady. The Anger Solutions Radio Show is a program dedicated to straight talk about stuff that really matters - and looks at it all through the lens of Anger Solutions philosophy.

Whether you're a stay-at-home mom, a single parent, a grad student, or a top level executive with a corner office, we all share a common thread - that is, we all experience anger and stress from time to time. Our show is not JUST about anger and stress though - that would get a little boring. We're going to tackle real issues that contribute to those emotions as well as the issues that stem out of them.

We'll be talking with experts from various fields, celebrities, authors, and people from walks of life just like you. Topics we'll be covering will include schoolyard and workplace bullying, starting over in life, love, and work, anger in sports, dealing with debtor's stress, and much much more!

There will be a theme for every month that we're on the air: January's theme is aptly titled, "New Beginnings". Our guest lineup for January includes:

• Entrepreneur and businessman, Robert Fulton to discuss recovering from financial crisis
• Author and speaker, Dr. Lisa Barrow to discuss life after workplace bullying
• Personal branding expert, Paul Copcutt to talk about the value of personal branding for one's career.

More guests will be added as their interview dates are confirmed.

I can't tell you how pumped I am about the program - I think it's going to be insightful, entertaining, thought provoking, and above all else, educational.

Tune in to the program LIVE every Friday at 10 a.m. Eastern or log in to BTR at anytime to listen to the archived shows. Live listeners can call in and ask questions of our guests, which is an added bonus! Join us for the first regularly scheduled show Friday, January 8, 2010 at 10 a.m. when I'll be chatting with Robert Fulton.

From all of us here at Leverage U and the extended Anger Solutions family, I wish you all the best of happiness, health, and abundance for 2010!

Five Mistakes People in Debt Crisis Tend to Make

When people find themselves in a debt or financial crisis there are five typical behaviours that may occur. In this 13 minute video, Julie Christiansen, the Anger Lady shares those five blunders, and what you can do to avoid them.

To get your name on the list for this e-book when it launches, visit www.juliechristiansen.com and send in a request form with DEBT EBOOK in the subject line. Yours in reclaiming financial stability,

Julie

Anger Solutions for the Holidays

Oh the weather outside is frightful but the fire is so delightful... Yes, that sounds very romantic and idealistic in the lyrics of a song, but the truth is that often, while the weather outside might indeed be frightful, the climate indoors when families come together is not much better.

I don't know why exactly, but I have heard it over and over again that the holidays seem to bring out the worst in some families. Here are jus some of the things my clients and customers have relayed to me about holiday gatherings - and I'm not making this stuff up:

• I hold my anger in all year until right about Christmas time - and then when the whole family gets together, usually someone says something that is like, "the last straw", and I just explode! I lambaste the whole family and then I'm good for another year.
• Every time our family gets together, it always becomes a contest about who was treated the worst, who had the most unhappy childhood, and who was daddy's favourite.
• I hate family get togethers - my brother always says something unsavoury or rude, and it just ruins the whole thing!
• I would rather spend Christmas on the other side of the world, alone - than spend it with my family. They make me feel so unloved and unwanted.

That's pretty depressing, isn't it! Yet, a vast majority of people reading this can relate, and may even be nodding their heads in agreement with some of the above statements! So - how do we get through the holidays unscathed? Here are some tips for surviving holiday stress and beating holiday anger - the Anger Solutions way.

1. Remember the reason for the season. The holidays are not about presents. They are not about airing family grievances. They are not even about the turkey and the trimmings. The holidays are about honouring your faith, and spending quality time with the ones that you love as you celebrate. Keep your focus on the reason why your family is coming together, rather than all the horrid memories of Christmases past.
2. Consider your desired outcomes. We teach this until we're blue in the face with Anger Solutions: your events PLUS your responses equal your outcomes. The challenge is that too often, we don't pre-consider what outcomes we would like to achieve. Ask yourself: "How would I like this Christmas or holiday gathering to turn out?" "What's the best way to ensure that my outcomes are realized?" Decide in advance, what measures you can take to do an end-run around those who would attempt to derail your plans. My number one priority outcome is always to create great memories. If that is your priority outcome, how can you make that happen? That brings us to our next strategy:
3. Solicit partners in positive outcomes. Do you like the ring of that? Partners in positive outcomes. Talk to your family members BEFORE your big event. Be honest about your misgivings and state your expectations. Go beyond asking questions about who is bringing the sweet potatoes or the dessert. It might sound something like this: "So Christmas dinner is at our house this year, and I know we all want to have a really great time. What I'm hoping for is that we can all put aside any of the family stuff that we deal with all the rest of the year, and just really enjoy each other's company."
4. If there is a particular family member who tends to be the instigator, prepare a plan for how you will deal with this individual's behaviour. You may want to be proactive, and address them prior to the get-together in the hopes that they will agree to be on their best behaviour. Another approach is to call them on their behaviour as soon as they begin with their typical antics. Do this by calling them aside privately - no need to embarrass them or the rest of the family. Very gently and compassionately identify the behaviour that is problematic and request that they discontinue the behaviour for the rest of the evening. E.g. "Mom, I know that you want to be involved in the preparation of the food, and I'm grateful that you're here to help, but when you openly criticize my cooking in front of the family, I feel minimized and belittled. I'm guessing that others here might feel uncomfortable when that happens as well. I'm sure you don't mean to do that, but that is how I feel all the same. So I'm asking you if you would be kind enough to keep your criticisms to yourself for the rest of the night - I would really appreciate that." Other approaches may be to ban the "meddling" instigators from the kitchen under the premise that they deserve to relax and mingle while the last minute preparations are taken care of. This always works better when two or more people deliver the same message.
5. Be prepared for awkward moments. If you follow this blog, then you know you have seen the TSA model before, but it will really help you if you find yourself experiencing a frustration signal during your family get togethers. Here it is again in a nutshell: THINK - What is happening? What does it mean? How do I feel about it? How would I like this to be resolved? What should I do next? SAY - "I feel... I need... I would like... " Here's a little tip - rather than saying, "Please don't" - identify the exact behaviour that you would like to see instead. It keeps the conversation positive, and also clarifies your expectations for the other person. ASK - "Can you see where I'm coming from?" "How can we work together to help everyone have a really great time tonight?" Get the other individual involved in the problem solving process and you will get through even the awkward moments - AND you'll do it together.
6. Develop a structure for the evening. It doesn't have to be a fully programmed dinner party; however, it may be more enjoyable and less stressful if you have a basic idea of how the evening will flow. Here's an example:

- start with appetizers of course - people can mingle, listen to music, get caught up with each other while the last minute meal prep is being taken care of. Ensure that the beverages and finger foods are NOT in the kitchen area, so you can minimize traffic through your workspace. You may want to have some space set aside for the kids/youth in the family so that they can hang out, play games, watch TV or socialize while they wait for the food to be served as well. Once dinner is over, the designated cleanup crew clears the tables and gets them prepped for dessert. You may want to bring out some games (quiet ones at this point) - card games, chinese checkers, battleship, etc. for people to play. There are of course lots of new fun games on the market that engage conversation, and can be played by a large number of people. These are ideal to hel people stay focused on having fun, rather than wanting to bring up old family grievances. If there is a time for gift giving, designate a time for this as well.

I trust you will find this advice helpful as you prepare to go full steam ahead into the holidays. Above all else, remember the reason for the season - that is my first and last piece of advice to you. Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Holiday, and above all, be blessed!

Do Workplaces Need Anger Management or Anger Solutions?

Here is a re-posting of some interesting observations on workplace anger from Frank Szivos, contributing writer to Westport Minuteman.com, "Is letting off steam in the workplace allowed?"Posted: 04/09/2009

A recent Gallup poll showed that anger is becoming one of corporate America's biggest problems. In the poll, two of every ten employees admitted being angry enough to "hurt" a co-worker. Mis-managed anger is exploding more frequently in the workplace.

Organizations can generate strong emotions among workers who are working in a competitive environment. In some instances, anger is not always a bad thing. Workers who care and are invested in projects or their job will feel strongly about how things are done. While flare ups are expected, the workplace is experiencing more serious chronic emotional issues.

On bad days, due to the disagreements and resentments brewing in the office, it's amazing that any work gets done at all. The situation can grow tenser among corporations and businesses when it occurs between upper management and subordinates. When the boss is angry, employees can catch the fallout, leaving them resentful and angry with little recourse to express their emotions.

Victoria Brescoll, a professor of Management at Yale School of Management, has found that anger management can be even more frustrating for women, who often aren't given equal status on the job.In the workplace, women are less expected to express anger. If they do, they can be labeled as "difficult," Brescoll notes. Anger is more identified as a male emotion."There are a lot of negative consequences when women get angry at work," Brescoll said. "In general, women have less status and respect on the job. Data shows that women are less likely to express their anger in the office, and men are less likely to express other emotions, such as fear or sadness."
Because of the recession and cut backs in staff, individuals are more likely to hang onto jobs where they are experiencing frustration, but see no other options at this time. Dissatisfaction can create a hair trigger environment.

Anger typically flares because of one or all three basic trigger beliefs:
*An employee thinks a situation is unfair. As an example, the worker has to stay late and believes others don't.
*It's happening to me only. Workers feel suggestions or efforts are ignored or they're singled out negatively.

*They feel powerless. It's too difficult to make headway against the current of the work culture.
It's natural to feel anger and frustration. (However, beware if you're chronically angry, which can stem from emotional issues). With so much work to do, little downtime, and many different personalities, conflicts are bound to occur on the job. The occasional flare-up is one thing, but a workplace that is seething is quite another.

You can read the whole article at http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?BRD=1654&dept_id=57100&newsid=20295107&PAG=461&rfi=9

My thoughts:

Quite right... a workplace that is seething is not a fun place to be, and can in fact be quite dangerous. A 1994 study found that Canada is the 4th most dangerous country in which to work - this study has never been refuted. Workplace anger continues to rise in part because of frustration, stress, feeling overused and underappreciated, overworked and underpaid - the list goes on. Add to that the pressures of today's financial climate, and we have a potentially explosive situation.

So here are some tips from an Anger Solutions perspective for whenever you are faced with an anger-inducing situation, use this model for problem solving.

THINK - what is happening? what does it mean? how do I feel about it? how would I like this problem to be resolved? what is the best option for resolution? what is the best/worst thing that can happen if I respond with this option?

SAY - talk to the people or person involved in the situation. Be sure to separate the person from the problem. Speak about the issues - do not lay blame or place judgement. Talk about how you feel - not how other people "make you feel". Be clear about how you would like to solve the problem and how the other person can engage with you in the solution.

ASK - ask for a response. "Do you understand where I'm coming from?" - "How can we work together to ensure this doesn't happen again?" Ask questions that are empowering and assume that you can, in fact, achieve a positive outcome.

Keep working through this TSA model until you have reached an agreement or you agree to disagree.

Release residual anger - go for a walk, take a break from your work space, squeeze a stressball, or go to the gym after work and release the energy there. This will help your physiology and your emotional state to return to baseline. Then you won't be carrying around negative energy that can compound over time and contribute to a chronically toxic or angry workplace.
Want to learn more about Anger Solutions? Visit http://www.angersolution.com/faqs.php for more information.