What do you think assertiveness means? We all have pictures in our mind of aggressive people and passive people. (Think, for instance, of Popeye and Olive, or Tarzan and Jane. Perhaps you remember your “strong, silent” grandfather, and your harping grandmother.) What does an assertive person look like? Let’s first clarify what are aggressiveness and passivity, and then we will define and describe assertiveness.
Need I describe the negative outcomes of using this style? Why not take a blank piece of paper and write down all the reasons why you think this style would be damaging to an individual who chooses to use it. You can feel free to use the descriptions of the anger styles from Step One to help you.
If you are not experiencing a high level of unhappiness, frustration or dissatisfaction with your present circumstances or coping methods, you will not be motivated to do anything about them. Glasser describes it as a “frustration signal”, that which is the motivation for action. Robbins calls it “leverage”. No matter what you call it, it means the same thing – if we are to change our behaviours, it must make sense to us.