Don't Buy the Anger Lady's Books from Amazon

(Re-post)

It turns out that my first book, Top Ten Lists to Live By is a pretty popular little item on the Internet these days. On the advice of one of my book marketing gurus, I decided to run a little search on Amazon.com to see if my book is being re-sold anywhere on the web.

Check this out:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/ - a re-seller has this book posted for 17.68 in British pounds.
http://www.amazon.ca/ - a re-seller has Top Ten Lists posted for $35.33!
http://www.amazon.com/ - you can buy a pre-owned copy from anywhere between $18 and $20 plus shipping and handling.

Now I have to ask you, why would you want to purchase a book that is STILL in print for more than its listed retail price? And, I have to ask, how do these folks get away with it? Perhaps it is because no-one has set the record straight about what they're doing... So here I go.

There are three reasons I can think of that one might search for a book on Amazon and pay more than the suggested retail price: the book is incredibly special (e.g. the author is very famous, dead, or is no longer writing), is out of print, or is a rare item on the book market. So let's clarify:

Top Ten Lists to Live By was the first book I ever published. I suppose that makes it special, but only to me and perhaps to my mother (God rest her soul). I can't imagine that anyone else is so excited about obtaining the first published work of Julie Christiansen that they should pay more than it is actually worth (in terms of retail price). I am definitely not dead yet, and as you can see by this blog, I am still writing.

Top Ten Lists to Live By is not out of print. It is still in print and is available for purchase - autographed - directly from me, or not autographed from the publisher, who will ship it direct to the purchasor. The listed retail price of Top Ten Lists is only $14.99 CN or $9.99 USD. Anyone who has paid more for this book through Amazon should be asking for the difference in a refund.

Top Ten Lists is not a rare book. It has been a poorly marketed one. That's not the same thing. If you would like to get a copy of the book, I would encourage you to contact me directly via my website: http://www.juliechristiansen.com/ or purchase directly from my publisher's online bookstore, http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/. Search by title or author (Julie A. Christiansen), and the title will come up right away for you. The publisher, Infinity Publishing, will process your purchase and ship your book to you within a couple of days, and you will get a brand spanking new, unspoiled copy of your very own. I don't think Amazon can beat that!

Listen - don't trust these charlattans who think they can fool you into purchasing a "rare" copy of my (or any other author's) book on Amazon. Before you buy, go to the source and see what the writer is selling them for.
Originally Posted by Julie Christiansen at www.juliechristiansen.com/blog 4/13/2009 7:24 PM

Musings of a Road Warrior

As I sit here in the terminal at Edmonton International Airport waiting to board my flight home, I am once again struck by how easy it is to fall into a comfort zone and get stuck there. Case in point: in 1999 I was hired as a professional speaker for Pryor Resources Inc., one of the first and largest companies of its kind in the U.S.A. My typical schedule was one week on; one week off - so every second week I was headed to some new place. Several of the "runs" I went on were to places I had never been. I faced those adventures with relish and excitement - I always prepared for the unexpected - I carried a book of maps with me, then cross referenced my maps with the ones provided by the car rental companies. If I got lost, most of the time I just went with the flow and used my "common sense" to get me to my destination. I was careful, to be sure, but I never shied away from the adventure.
Fast forward to 2009 - My stint with Pryor ended when they declared bankruptcy in July of 2001. I went back to a desk job and didn't fly anywhere except for two visits to Jamaica. Speaking engagements all seemed to be close to home, or within driving distance of home, and somewhere along the way I got comfortable with my shrinking universe. I got the sense last year that as my business evolves and continues to gain momentum, that travel will once again become a regular facet of my life; although now I get to choose when, how much, and how far I will go. But I also noticed a certain sense of apprehension when I thought about travelling more again.
So here I am, June 2009, sitting at the Edmonton airport. This was my first time to Edmonton - first time out west. I only know one person who lives here - she offered to be my taxi for the week, and I almost took her up on it. But then I had flashbacks of the days when I was "on the road" and the freedom I felt as I was able to get in my rented car and drive around the city or countryside where I was - enjoying the scenery, and the quiet... having the space to stop on the side of the road if I wanted so I could take pictures... the simple pleasures of listening to whatever I felt like (music, motivational CDs, or just nothing at all)... having the option to choose the road I want to travel, rather than the one chosen for me...
Sure, it was nice to see my friend and to enjoy a nice evening out with her. But I have to say that I'm glad I didn't HAVE to depend on her. I needed to broaden my horizons again - I needed to allow myself the space to grow and experience the journey in my own way.
This expansion of my comfort zone extends not only to the experience of travel itself: I am not by nature drawn to crowds, and I am reluctant to strike up conversations with strangers. But going to a conference where you know absolutely no - one, you have to step outside of your comfort zone.
What about you? What can you do to step out of your comfort zone?

Is Addiction a Disease or a Choice?

This just in - MacLean's Magazine (http://www.macleans.ca/) - page 19, Charlie Gillis interviews Harvard psycholgist, Gene Heyman on why drug or alcohol addiction is not a disease, but a matter of choice.

Heyman's findings are not really so earth shattering as we might think at first glance. I find it interesting that he began by reviewing existing research and just looked at it from a new perspective - with fresh eyes so to speak. He says in the interview that his initial goal was to learn how drug use morphed from voluntary behaviour to involuntary, but what he found was that addicted people, "stopped using the drugs... because of family issues, or there was a choice between their children and continued drug use, or they were moving on to an environment where it was disapproved of. In other words, the kinds of things that influence all of our everyday decisions were influencing people ... to stop using."

Heyman says that behavioural disease is marked by compulsivity, meaning it is "beyond the influence of reward, punishment, expectations, cultural values, personal values." He says that the epidemiological evidence more strongly supports addictive behaviour as a choice as opposed to disease as described above.

I love what he says when asked about the billions of dollars spent annually, trying to treat the "disease" of addiction. He says, "It's possible that the reason we're not making much progress is that we're not treating decision-making directly." This is so key to all behaviour change in my mind! And this is what we talk about in Anger Solutions (http://www.angersolution.com/) all the time... that the secret to producing lasting, radical change in people with "anger issues" lies in teaching them a better decision-making model that will help them to choose behaviours that will get them the best short and long-term outcomes regardless of who or what caused them to feel angry.

Heyman's argument lends scientific support to some of the amazing outcomes we have seen in Anger Solutions when it is applied to individuals who are struggling with anger and addictions, who after completing the program found that they no longer needed or wanted to abuse alcohol or drugs - either because they had better coping strategies and methods for expressing their anger, or because the emotional intensity had subsided to the point where they no longer felt the need to self-medicate with substances like drugs or alcohol.

I urge you to get the June 1st issue of MacLean's magazine and read this article for yourself. I believe you will find the implications in Heyman's message incredibly empowering.

Comments on Anger Management and Emotional Abuse

Here are some interesting comments from Dr. Steven Stosny about why traditional anger management programs don't work for perpetrators of emotional abuse. I have highlighted and bolded the comments that I think are spot on as it relates to Anger Solutions philosophy.

Steven Stosny, Ph.D., is the founder of CompassionPower in suburban Washington, DC. Dr. Steven Stosny's most recent books are, How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about It: Finding Love Beyond Words , and Love Without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One .You can check out his blog: Anger in the Age of Entitlement.

Emotional Abuse: Why Anger Management Didn't Work

By Steven Stosny on May 12, 2009 - 8:03pm in Anger in the Age of Entitlement

Anger management programs for emotional or verbal abusers sometimes produce short-term gains that disappear when follow-up is done a year or so later. That was probably your experience if your partner took an anger management class. If you're lucky, you may have seen a lower tone to the chronic blame - anger management classes sometimes turn a yeller into a stonewaller.

The worst kind of anger management class teaches men to "get in touch with their anger" and to "express it" or "get it out." The assumption is that emotions are like 19th century steam engines that need to "let off steam" on a regular basis. These kinds of classes include things like punching bags and using foam baseball bats to club imaginary adversaries. (Guess who would be the imaginary victim of your partner's foam-softened clubbing?) Studies have shown that this approach actually makes people angrier and more hostile, not to mention more entitled to act out their anger. Participants are training their brains to associate controlled aggression rather than compassion and reconciliation with anger.

Hopefully, your partner did not attend one of these discredited classes on anger expression. But you might not have been so lucky when it came to the second worse form of anger management: "desensitization." In that kind of class your husband would identify your behaviors that "push his buttons," things like you "nagging" him or asking too much of him. The instructor would then work to make those behaviors seem less "provocative" to him. The techniques include things like ignoring it, avoiding it, or pretending it's funny. Didn't you always dream that one day your husband would learn to be less angry by ignoring you and avoiding you or thinking that you're funny when you ask him about something serious?His feelings of inadequacy and sense of entitlement -- not specific behaviors -- trigger his anger. Even if the class succeeds in making him less sensitive to your "nagging," he will nevertheless get irritable when you tell him you love him, as that will stir his guilt and sense of inadequacy.

Desensitizing doesn't work at all on resentment, which is the precursor to most angry and abusive behavior. Resentment is not simply a reflexive response to a specific thing you say or do; it works like a defensive system in itself. That's why you don't resent just one or two or two hundred things. When you're resentful, you are constantly scanning the environment for any possible bad news, lest it sneak up on you.

Anger-management classes try to deal with this constant level of arousal with techniques to manage it, that is, to keep your husband from getting so upset that he feels compelled to act out his anger. "Don't make it worse," is the motto of most anger management classes. If he was aggressive, they taught him to withdraw. If he shut down, they taught him to be more assertive.

What they didn't teach him was how to act according to his deeper values, which would make him stop blaming his vulnerable feelings on you. If attempts to manage anger don't appeal to core values, resentful men begin to feel like they're "swallowing it," or "going along to avoid an argument." This erodes their self-esteem and justifies, in their minds, occasional blow ups: "I am sick and tired of putting up with your crap!" Then they can feel self-righteous: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"

In a love relationship, managing anger is not the point. You need to promote compassion, which is the only reliable prevention of resentment, anger, and abuse.

MY COMMENTS: I have to agree with most of this article - although in Anger Solutions we do use techniques identified above like pillow punching, these techniques are not used to replace effective expression of anger, but to help release residual anger after the participants have completed all the other more valuable steps of challenging their beliefs, identifying their emotional state, using the TSA model to express anger, and seeking resolution.

We also make sure that people understand the context in which releasing residual anger is appropriate - where, why, and how we should do it. I agree that without effective controls in place when teaching this component, participants could take it wrong and believe that they can re-direct their feelings of aggression into inanimate objects while holding on to the negative feelings of anger or resentment.

Aside from this singular point of clarification, I think Dr. Stosny is right on - anger management is just a band aid - one that may actually make the wound that it was trying to heal worse.

If you’re still not sure we need Anger Solutions in sport, read this…

(as reported by the Toronto Star – May 5, 2009)

High school player accused of manslaughter swore at referee who called penalty, court hears
May 05, 2009 04:30 AM
Bob Mitchell STAFF REPORTER
A Mississauga high school rugby player drove an opponent into the ground with a "spear tackle," a witness testified yesterday at the teen's manslaughter trial in Brampton.

Craig Inward, a parent watching the fatal game, said the Erindale Secondary School player went berserk after being called for an infraction against 15-year-old Manny Castillo.

The accused "was stamping his feet and swearing and berating the referee" before it became apparent Manny had been badly hurt in the game at Lorne Park on May 7, 2007. He went into convulsions and died a few days later in hospital.

The Erindale player, now 18, whose name is protected by law, has pleaded not guilty to manslaughter in his non-jury trial before Justice Bruce Duncan.

It would be manslaughter if the two agreed to fight on the street and Manny was "slammed" to the ground and died, prosecutor John Raftery said in his opening.

"There is nothing magical because it happened on a rugby pitch."
Inward said there appeared to be no reason for the scuffle after the ball came out of a scrum 20 to 30 metres away. The Erindale player's conduct stood out even before the tragic incident, Inward said.

"He was fairly aggressive," Inward said. "He was playing contrary to the laws of the game."
Inward admitted under cross-examination by defence lawyer Calvin Barry that he missed most of the game, but said he had a "clear and unobstructed view" of the confrontation.

Inward, also a rugby coach, was at the park to watch his children in other games. He said players are allowed to tackle or make contact only with players who have the ball or are going after it. "It's not acceptable to tackle somebody who doesn't have the ball."

His attention was drawn to two players from opposing teams near the end of the game. Inward said he saw the Erindale player pick up Manny and throw him over his back. The Erindale player then "drove him into the ground," Inward testified.

When the referee blew his whistle to call a penalty, Inward said, the Erindale player went berserk. "Usually, you take your punishment and move on quietly, but his was strange behaviour," he testified. "He was screaming and swearing. He exploded."

Another Crown witness, Lorne Park player Andrew Forth, agreed with Barry that the accused said something like, "You had me in a headlock," after Manny was "picked up by his waist" and thrown to the ground.

"He (Manny) was dump tackled, but that usually only happens when you have the ball, and he didn't," Forth said. When Manny landed on his back, his head "snapped" back, Forth said. It soon became apparent he was injured.

"He was on his back ... He was gurgling and making unearthly sounds," Inward said. "He was in convulsions and there was foam coming from his mouth ..."
There is more to this story - check it out at the Toronto Star website. Here are my thoughts...

From all reports that I have read of this incident, it sounds as if the accused had recurring behavioural problems and did not have the skills necessary to manage his aggression or to effectively release his anger. It would appear that he believed that his behavior was justified as is described by the “in your face” gesture he made towards Manny after the attack, as well as his response to the referee awarding him a penalty for his behavior.

I wonder where was the coach in this? Was he encouraging his players to be aggressive, play hard – don’t let the other team intimidate? Was he counting on the players to know what that meant (play the game with more passion – stay focused – stick to the plays - don’t back down when they try to intimidate you… as opposed to “get out there and beat the snot out of them”)? I’m not making an accusation, I’m just curious.

What it comes down to is that the accused made a decision based on how he was feeling at the time. He was angry. He was frustrated. He wanted satisfaction. He wanted immediate release for all that negative energy. He chose to do something that will (if he has a conscience) probably haunt him for the rest of his life – probably not the outcome he was hoping for.

What if athletes could learn how to manage their emotions even in the height of an intense game? What if they could maintain their focus and keep a positive outlook even when the game isn’t going their way? What if they could – at the peak of passion – make clear choices based on the outcomes they want rather than a short-term feeling of satisfaction?

What if your teenager could just play without the risk of going to jail or ending up dead on the field, court, or ice?

What if that were possible by introducing the principles of Anger Solutions into the mental conditioning of athletes? Would the outcomes be worth it? Something for us to think about - and then take action on.

Anger Solutions for Smokers

This interesting article was posted on April 26th in news outlets across the world: Here is the Irish Health.com version.

Anger management may help smokers
[Posted: Sun 26/04/2009 by Olivia Fens]
Anger management classes may help smokers to quit, a new study has indicated.Researchers from the University of California looked at the reactions of people playing a computer game – once while wearing a nicotine patch and once while wearing a placebo (fake) patch.The study found that when the participants were not wearing a nicotine patch, they were more likely to react angrily.The researchers believe this is because nicotine affects the part of the brain that controls emotion.“Moreover, the findings suggest that nicotine may critically regulate brain areas that are involved in the inhibition of negative emotions such as anger,” the researchers said.“Behavioural treatments, such as anger management training, may aid smoking cessation efforts in anger provoking situations that increase withdrawal and tobacco cravings,” they concluded. The study was published in the Behavioural and Brain Functions journal.
____________________________________________
If you are a follower of this blog, you already know what my stand is on anger management. Do you want your anger managed or do you want the problems that evoke your anger SOLVED? Anger Solutions practitioners everywhere may want to consider incorporating smoking cessation as one of the benefits of participating in our program. We already know that CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) is documented as the best option for providing traditional anger management "therapy", with a success rate of approximately 67%. We also know that anger management programs use all sorts of models, and many of these approaches are not studied or documented or regulated. So we have no idea if they work at all.

Anger Solutions on the other hand, has a documented success rate of over 80% in group and 100% in one-on-one coaching. The use of the program is closely monitored throughout our network, so we can ensure consistency in approach and in methodology. Anger Solutions tackles the underlying causes for poor choices (beliefs) and in challenging those beliefs, it opens up opportunities for participants to choose better outcomes. We do not take a cookie cutter approach to clients - we flex the program to suit the client's needs.

How does this all apply to smoking cessation? We might start with the underlying belief that "smoking calms me down". Challenging this belief is the first step. Closely followed is challenging the belief that "I can't quit". How about the belief that "If I quit smoking I'll get fat." We would use the pleasure/pain principle to balance out these patterns of thinking and then replace the limiting beliefs with empowering ones and leverage the participant into new behavioural choices that create more positive outcomes (i.e. smoke-free living, more money to spend on other things). And - to top it off, the participant walks away with a solid decision making model so that when the cravings crop up because of anger or any other trigger, s/he knows how to process each experience and choose the right response.

Curious to know how Anger Solutions can assist in your smoking cessation? Visit our website at www.angersolution.com.
Julie Christiansen
Anger Specialist and Master Anger Solutions Trainer

I Just Entered a Contest - You Can Too

Hey all,
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