Put the Past Behind You
(excerpted
from When the Last Straw Falls: 30 Ways
to Keep Stress from Breaking Your Back – now available at www.angersolution.com)
Looking back at that time, I wonder
how I managed to get through the shock of finding her, calling 911, notifying
my father and my siblings, dealing with the coroner, the funeral home, taking
care of my kids, and all the rest. It seems that my crisis training served me
well, and I was able to go handle the extreme stress of that situation despite
my grief.
Almost one year later, as I
continued to deal with the ongoing fallout of losing my mom, I realized that
other issues that had remained latent while she was alive were beginning to
surface. And with those issues, came feelings of intense anxiety and panic that
I had not experienced for decades.
As I battled with this rise in
anxiety, I often found myself feeling as if I had lost my bearings and was
flailing around frantically for something to hold on to. And I found that
stability in the most unexpected places. Good friends. Faith. And in my
office.
Let me explain that last one...
several years ago I recorded the audio program, “Getting Past Your Past”. It
occurred to me as I was rifling through my files, looking for something that
would help me through this crisis, that perhaps if I expect people to listen to
my advice that I should listen to it as well. So I grabbed the CDs and plugged
them into my car, feeling a little sheepish and wondering if listening to my
own recording made me a narcissist...
To my surprise, the woman on the CD
sounded bright, confident, and sure of herself (not the same person who was
listening at that moment)! She had some rather profound things to say, which
were coincidentally strangely relevant to my current situation. I
thought... “why not pay attention to her?
She sounds like she might have something there...” I took it one step
further on the advice of a good friend, and printed myself a workbook – and
went through the exercises detailed in the “LET GO” section of the
program.
As bizarre as that sounds, it was
what I needed at the time. I was reminded that I need to forget my past,
remembering only what it taught me. That I have much to be grateful for and
that the events of my past have contributed to the person that I am
today. That I am still that strong, confident, bright woman I heard on
the CD, and that vulnerability is not the same as weakness.
Through the process I was reminded
that strength is fluid, and often dependent on your circumstances and the
resources you have available at the time that those difficult circumstances
arise. I was reminded too of the
resources that have helped me through other past trials, and that all I need to
do is to rely on them rather than ignoring them – and my strength can be
restored.
The whole concept of getting past
one’s past is one that is so worthwhile in the quest for less stress. If you
have read my book, Anger Solutions! Proven Strategies for Effectively Resolving
Anger, you will recall the story of Everett Worthington, whose mother was
murdered in her home by a group of teens who broke in while she slept. Dr. Worthington is now recognized as one of
the pioneers in forgiveness research.
Another leader in the area of
forgiveness research is Dr. Frederic Luskin, author of the book, Forgive for Good. One of the things I noted from Dr. Frederic
Luskin’s work is that when you recall the events of the past that caused you
hurt and pain, and you have not yet learned to forgive and let go, you will
experience the hurt just as if it were happening for the first time. That is to
say that the anxiety, stress, sadness, anger – and all the other negative
emotions that may be associated with that event, create just as powerful a
physiological response in the body as when it happened the first time. So each
time you recall a hurtful event, you are inducing the stress/anger response at
full strength in your body.
Both
the research of Dr. Luskin and Dr. Worthington has scientifically proven that
through forgiveness, you can boost your immune systems, have healthier platonic
and intimate relationships, significantly reduce your stress, and effectively
prolong your life expectancy.
There's More! This excerpt is included in a F*REE report entitled, "Getting Past Your Past" based on the Self-Help Audio CD Program of the same title, and the book, When the Last Straw Falls, both by Julie Christiansen. To get your copy of this free report, please contact us through our website contact tool: www.angersolution.com/contactus.php, and we'll send it to you right away.
