How to react to anger emotions
According to William Glasser, the author of Choice Theory, we all filter the stimuli we receive in the “real” world through our senses, our values, and our expectations. This filtered information is the “perceived” world. We tend to think of our perceptions as reality – the way things truly are however, we must remember that our perceptions are coloured or impacted by our personal filters. This is why two people can see the same movie, witness the same accident, or look at the same beautiful person and have different reactions, thoughts, or ideas about what they saw.
A frustration signal occurs when we feel a disconnect between our perceived world and our ideal world pictures. Often when we receive that FRUSTRATION signal to the brain, we revert to whatever comes naturally for us. One typical approach is to ACT without THINKING – this is to externalize our feelings through acting out behaviours – yelling, physical actions, slamming doors, threatening,throwing things, driving too fast, etc.
The other option is to THINK without ACTING – this is to
internalize feelings, hiding them from the world and using self-blame or perhaps other-blame in a very personal quiet way, while never actually talking about or doing something about those feelings. Either way, this creates a sense of imbalance. The only way to achieve balance is through a process of self-evaluation, which I have discussed often in this blog:
T: Think – what is happening? what does it mean? how do I feel about it? what should I do about my feelings? what is the best thing that can happen if I do this? what is the worst thing that can happen if I do this?
S: Say – Talk to the person with whom you have the problem, or the one who can help you resolve it. Use assertive language – I feel … because…
A: Ask – Invite the other party to engage in a dialogue with you to work at resolving the issue that is presenting itself. See if you can work together to achieve an outcome that is desirable for you both.
Remember that you cannot and must not ask for some input then walk away once the person starts to talk! If you start the dialogue, see it through. Remember that if you expect people to hear you out,
you must extend the same courtesy to them. So hear them out, and if you disagree, then so be it! At least you are talking about it now, and even if all that comes of the dialogue is that you agree to disagree, you will still have come a long way from feeling hurt or angry.
