Getting Past the Past: Free Yourself

 
"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free..."

We are all aware of the truths about our pasts as well as our present. It is human nature to avoid the truth, since the truth is usually not what what we want people to see.

The first step to forgetting your past is to own up to it. Did you used to lie for a living? Were you a career criminal? A less-than-reputable citizen? Perhaps your past is not so sordid, but you made mistakes, did things, said things that you are not proud of. Would the person you are NOW want to know the person you were THEN? Who have you hurt? Who hurt you? By exploring these and other questions, you can identify what is true about your past. Take some time and make a lsit of answers to these questions I've just put to you.

Once you have identified the truth, you should then ask yourself questions like, "How has this past hurt or past experience contributed to who I am today?"

"What were the positive effects or outcomes that resulted from those events in my past?"
"What were the negative effects or outcomes...?"

Saint Paul tells of his history (an educated man, a religious man, but also a murderous zealot who had countless new Christians - both men and women - put to death, and calls himself "chief of all sinners"). But he follows this horrible litany of his past misdeeds by saying, "This one thing I do - forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching for those things which are before, I press toward the mark...". He acknowledges his past and then he does something amazing. He lets it go!

The freedom Saint Paul found to live his new life came from accepting and acknowledging the TRUTH about himself rather than denying it. Had he denied the truth, he would have undermined his credibility. Everyone (every Christian in his day) knew who he was and what he had done. His reputation preceded him everywhere he went. Denying the truth about his past would have made him a hypocrite.

What truths have you been denying about yourself? How is that denial interfering with your becoming the person you want to be? How can you press toward something, if you are continually looking or reaching backward?

Perhaps it is time to face your truth. Then forgive yourself. If you need forgiveness from others, ask for it. But remember you cannot expect others to forgive you if you can't forgive yourself. The future is waiting and it is brighter than you ever imagined. Face the truth about your past, and you will be free to confidently explore the brave new world that is your future.

Transcribed from the audio program, Getting Past Your Past, by Julie A. Christiansen, M.A. Available now at www.angersolution.com $49.95 for 2 CD set with workbook.

Grumpy is Good! Winning Over Difficult People

Let’s face it – if you’re not somebody’s difficult person today, you will be tomorrow. We all take turns being difficult for other people, just as they can be difficult for us. The difficulty comes from differences in personality, communication styles, personal preferences, and our expectations of how things “should” be. Here are some practical and simple customer service techniques to de-escalate and win over the difficult people in your life.

The first technique is helping others to calm down by monitor and managing your tone of voice. Speaking in a calm tone of voice, smiling and keeping your face relaxed, and maintaining eye contact are always to keep your difficult person from become more escalated emotionally.

Secondly, demonstrate you are listening with your non-verbal behaviours. If someone is venting his/her anger at you, attempt to show empathy. The key to this is to WAIT until the person has finished venting. When you interrupt the venting, the person will feel as though you are not listening, even if you have an answer for his/her problem.

Once s/he is finished venting, focus ONLY on the stated problem. Clarify what the problem is and what solutions s/he would like, if any. You can show empathy by saying, “I can see why you’re upset – I would be upset too…” This is also a good time to set boundaries around how you would like to be spoken to in future. For example, “I see why you’re upset – I would be upset too. In fact, you’re handling this pretty well. (This will encourage the person to begin calming down). In future though, I would really appreciate if you would approach me like… (State your expectations)”.

Next, provide helpful information/direction towards the answer. Respond with wording such as, “Let’s work together to come up with a solution for your problem. Or, “I understand what you want and why – let’s get working on it right away.”

Finally, if you don’t have the answers, refer the person to someone who does. Better still, go together – this shows that you are caring and supportive, and are willing to work with the individual to see his or her problem solved.

By demonstrating your listening skills as well as your willingness to show support even when your difficult person is in the throes of being difficult, you will win that individual’s loyalty and respect. That is the kind of service that causes customers to walk away thinking, “Wow – that was a really great experience!”

Remember, it takes two to tango, and it takes at least two to fight. If you maintain a calm and supportive stance, your difficult person will have to come down to your level – there’s no place else to go!

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