Anger Myth #3 Anger Should Be Controlled

If anger is an emotion, then it follows that we should be free to express our anger as freely as we express our other basic emotions.  No one thinks it odd that humans express their happiness, sadness or fear.  Yet the popular belief remains that anger if expressed can only lead to “bad things”.  In my seminars I have heard it explained this way, “Anger is dangerous…”, “Anger is sinful…”, “Showing your anger doesn’t help you in the end…”  Think about this: unexpressed anger has its repercussions as well.  Not expressing anger can hold far more consequences for the angry person in the way of ongoing emotional problems as a result of the unresolved feelings.  We also know that unresolved, unexpressed anger can lead to a wide range of physical problems such as ulcers, high blood pressure, migraines, heart disease and stroke, to name only a few.

If you're ready to learn more about anger, why not grab a copy of my book, Anger Solutions: Proven Strategies for Resolving Anger and Taking Control of Your Emotions! Your transformation is within reach! 

Anger Solutions: Pleasure vs. Pain

People are always asking, "What makes Anger Solutions so much more effective than traditional anger management?" This is no simple question - as there are many facets of Anger Solutions that come together to make it an exceptional program. Today I want to share with you one of our great leveraging tools that help to contribute to our continued success.  This leveraging tool is called, "The Pain/Pleasure Principle". It simply states that: Human beings will do more to avoid pain than they will to obtain pleasure.

 Think about that for a minute: Human beings will do more to avoid pain than they will to obtain pleasure. Ain't that the truth! Women will endure a great deal of abuse before they opt to leave a relationship. Employees will often put up with harrassment, put-downs, poor leadership, and all sorts of workplace challenges before they decide to leave a job. People will put up with all sorts of misbehaviour from loud, rowdy neighbours before they decide to call the police, start community action, or move to a quieter street. We have known this for years... that we must be highly frustrated or dissatisfied with a situation before we will attempt to make a change. Why is this? Perhaps because there is safety in what we know. You've heard that old statement: "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't..." There is also a certain fear that is associated with changing - perhaps we will make the mistake of going from the frying pan into the fire.

This is also true when it comes to making behavioural change. It is so easy to do what we've always done - especially when there is some benefit in our current choice of action. Even if your present anger style is causing you pain, if you get the least amount of payoff from it, you will likely continue to use your old style because it is less painful than the perceived pain of trying to create change. We do this all the time - choose what we perceive to be the "lesser pain" rather than opting for what will bring us the "greater pleasure" in the long run.

Here's an example: Jon Smith is angry at his wife. He doesn't know how to talk to her without hurting her feelings, so he hides his anger by going out to the bars after work. This is causing him pain as well - because he is in effect alienating his wife and creating more distance between them. However, the perceived pain of confrontation is too much for him to handle so he avoids it by choosing the "lesser pain" of retreating to the bars. Jon's problem is that he has not considered the "greater pleasure" of what might happen if he sits down with his wife and has that difficult conversation. He is too afraid of the immediate discomfort and cannot see past that to how his relationship with his wife might be better if they just talk it out.

Anger Solutions challenges this way of thinking and encourages people to address the pain/pleasure principle on a conscious level. This proves to be an incredible leveraging tool - try it for yourself!

How would you apply the principle of pleasure and pain to the following situations?
1. Quitting smoking
2. Foolish binge spending
3. Losing you temper at work

Here's a Hint: List the perceived benefits of each behaviour (or the "lesser pain") and remember what William Glasser says: "People do what makes sense to them..." If there is even a little benefit in the behaviour although it is painful, people will continue to do it.

 List the downside - what is truly painful about this behaviour (the "greater pain")?

Identify why it doesn't make sense.

The key here is to emphasize the painful aspects or consequences of the behaviour... Ask yourself: If by changing your behaviour, you could achieve the same or better feeling of pleasure without experiencing so much pain, would you change? If you would like to learn more about Anger Solutions, please visit our website, www.angersolution.com.

What is the Anger Solutions Program?

About the Anger Solutions™ Program

The Anger Solutions™ Program was developed out of an expressed need for a comprehensive anger management program that would serve the needs of individuals dealing with a mental illness. Due to contributing factors such as the side effects of medications, varying degrees of cognitive functionality, and in some cases, a decline in mental/emotional stability for the client group, the program needed to be:

1.    simple and easy to understand

2.    presented in a way that would enable the clients to assimilate their new skills

3.    hands-on vs. theoretical in its approach

4.    flexible enough to meet the diverse needs of the client group

5.    deliverable in a 1-hour format over 10 to 12 weeks

From this initial need, the following philosophy and program format was developed over four years of research and practical application:

1. To keep the program simple, it uses as little technical jargon as possible – keeping it at about the Grade 6/7 level of literacy/understanding (the same as daily newspapers)
2. The program follows the Psycho-Social Rehabilitation Model of Lifeskills acquisition and application in order to ensure the repetition and steady building of new skills
3. The Anger Solutions™ Program uses the WIT Model (Whatever It Takes) to reach its participants – successfully and effectively combining a variety of therapeutic approaches including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Rational Emotive Therapy, Reality Therapy (Choice Theory), Art and Music Therapy, and Solution Focused Brief Therapy principles.  This not only provides us with various hands-on tools we can apply within the program, but also creates a level of flexibility to work within the individual needs of the client group.
4. The program was designed to be deliverable in one – 1.5 hour modules over a 10-week period. It can be condensed to an 8 week program or extended to 12 weeks.
5. Note that over the initial 4 years of study and use, the program’s content evolved in order to meet the needs of a more diverse group (including children, people with Acquired Brain Injury, addictions, corrections, and developmental delay); however, the philosophy and structure has remained the same.
6. The program’s wholistic approach addresses pre-cursors to anger development including:

-                      poor self-esteem

-                      poor communication skills

-                      assertiveness training

-                      ingrained anger  styles, faulty beliefs, and misperceptions about anger

The Anger Solutions™ Program has various objectives:

1.            To educate and empower each participant to make right choices about their anger

2.            To encourage the taking of responsibility for one’s feelings and actions (vs. laying blame on outside influences)

3.            To effect a significant reduction in harmful, inappropriate behaviour on the part of the participant OR to completely eliminate target behaviours identified by the participant

4.            Participants will experience an increase in their ability to identify the precursors to their own anger, and will be able to make conscious choices both before anger escalates, and in situations of escalated anger

Additional effects or outcomes that can be expected as a result of successful completion of the program include but are not limited to:

1.    Significant increase in self-esteem

2.    Decrease or discontinuation of use of drugs or alcohol as self-medication

3.    Self-reported improvement in overall quality of life of participants

4.    Improvements in quality of mental health

5.    Significant decrease in physical ailments and physiological effects of stress

Measurement Tools used at Intake and Exit:

       Rosenberg Self Esteem Scale

       Clinical Anger Scale

       Anger Solutions™ Participant Surveys (Intake and Exit)

Training is provided on how to use these tools during the Train the Trainer program, and through our tele-seminar series.

Interested in receiving certification as an Anger Solutions Facilitator? Contact us! www.angersolution.com. 

Anger Solutions: Myth Busters

Do you ever wonder what anger really is and how one can resolve it? Are you tired of hearing the term "anger management" applied to EVERYTHING:

"She has anger management issues"
"He needs anger management"
"Hockey coach shows his lack of anger management"?

Wouldn't you appreciate tools that can actually help you EXPRESS your anger and RESOLVE it rather than just trying to CONTROL anger all the time?

Over the years, we have polled close to 1000 audience members and trainees to find out what they believe to be true about anger, and this short video shares the most common answers, as well as debunks these very widely accepted myths. You will notice that each myth builds on the first one, leading to a very complex set of faulty beliefs that negatively impact the way we perceive and choose to resolve anger. Understanding what anger IS, and the importance of expressing rather than managing it is the first step to getting a handle on your angry feelings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7v8zN6m-7w&feature=share&list=UUmzTzcaQ1dJNMStQjc4-qEg&index=1

To learn more, you can order your E-Boook version of Anger Solutions: Proven Strategies for Effectively Resolving Anger and Taking Control of Your Emotions for only $5.99 at www.smashwords.com OR you can purchase a hard copy of the book for $24.99 at www.store.angersolution.com.

TSA in Review: Anger Solutions Bullying at Work

In my previous blog posts, my focus was on specific things we can do to process what is happening and how best to deal with bullies in the workplace. I promised to review the TSA process in full for this installment, and as I was preparing to do so, I came across this poster on Pinterest and had to share it. "Most of the problems in life are because of two reasons: we act without thinking, or we keep thinking without acting." This notion is one of the underpinnings of Anger Solutions philosophy - that we must be conscious in our efforts to process our experiences and to make clear, informed decisions BEFORE we take action. In my book, Anger Solutions: Proven Strategies for Effectively Resolving Anger, I note that when we are angry and we act without thinking, we typically will lash out, use verbal aggression or verbal abuse, or perhaps even use physical aggression or abuse to express our ire. Whe we think without acting, anger is internalized resulting in physical ailments, emotional upset, and distress. Bitterness, resentment, mood disturbances, "trust issues", insomnia, heart disease, diabetes, depression, chronic inflammation (fibromyalgia, polymyalgia, asthma) and other illnesses can be linked directly to the stress that is caused by the internalization of negative emotions. This is why TSA is so important and inherently essential to the resolution of anger.

T: Think - what is happening? What does it mean? How do I feel about it? What is the lifetime value of this event? How would I like this to be resolved? What is the best thing that can happen if I choose this option? What is the worst thing that can happen if I choose this option?

S: Say - Talk to the people who matter - who are directly involved in the issue you wish to resolve. No water cooler talk, no coffee talk. Don't talk AROUND the issue: approach the issue head on. Say, "This is how I feel and this is why. These are my expectations for the future. I am observing these behaviours and this is what they mean to me. In future, for us to communicate clearly with each other/work more effectively together, this is what I need to happen."

A: Ask - Invite the other party to engage in the dialogue. Remember - this is about resolution, not about winning. In order to resolve a problem people must work together. This means you advocate for your position but you do not become adversarial. You must also seek to accommodate the needs of the other party (within reason) as much as you hope they will accommodate your needs. Ask questions like, "Can you see where I'm coming from? Do we have an agreement? How can we work together so that this conflict does not arise again?" Asking the right kinds of questions indicates your commitment to understanding the other party. It demonstrates empathy, and a willingness to work together.

Whenever you have these kinds of conversations with your bullies (or with anyone else in the workplace with whom you might have conflict), document exactly what was said, who was there, and what the circumstances were surrounding the event. Be sure you also document the outcome of the conversation as you remember it. You never know when you may need the record of that conversation to back you up later.

If you are being bullied at work and need additional support to get through it, please call me toll free: 1-866-754-6169. I would be happy to assist. To learn more about my counselling services, visit: http://www.juliechristiansen.com.

Part 3: Anger Solutions Approach to Workplace Bullying

In the previous post I focused on honing on your desired outcomes to help you devise appropriate responses to bullying or harassment at work. I also promised to deal with the question: "What is the best/worst thing that can happen if I do/say...?"

Now here's the rub. Think about some of the days you have gone through recently. You've probably had some good days and some bad days. In reality everyday has a little bit of good and a little bit of bad in it. The typical human response is to focus on the bad that happened throughout the day, even if 90% of the day was good. It is way more fun (most of the time) to gripe about the bad stuff that happened because it garners you sympathy, empathy, and moral support. Talking about the good stuff just isn't as rewarding (I hope you can hear the sarcasm in this statement).

Truth be told, we humans do tend to look at the darker side of life - this pessimistic outlook is reinforced in the media - the news is 90% bad and 10% good at best. Bad news sells. Period. However, if we want to be able to effectively use Anger Solutions to our advantage, we need to maintain a balance between possible positive and negative outcomes.

For example, when I was working in one particularly toxic workplace, I had become very sick and at one point I had to be off for 6 weeks to recover from major surgery. Shortly after returning to work (only a few months later), the very thing that led to my surgery had returned, and my health was beginning to decline again. On top of that I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and had to begin taking medication to manage it. And I hadn't even had my 40th birthday at the time!

Everytime I went to work I felt sick. I was weepy, and emotional, and had difficulty concentrating. My anxiety was through the roof, and I was terrified of losing my job. I had become fully focused on "What is the WORST thing that could happen if I defend myself, or stand up for myself, or challenge my boss for her behaviour?" Then one morning I realized that if I lost my job, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I extended the question to sound like this... "What is the worst thing that can happen if I get fired from this job?" The answer sounded something like this... "Well, I won't have a steady paycheque, but it will give me an opportunity to build my business."

Then, I asked the truly powerful question: "What is the best thing that could happen if I get fired?" O.M.G. The answer was incredibly empowering! "I won't have to feel sick or anxious in the mornings, because I won't have to work there. I will be in a better position to explore my options, and I can find another job or expand the business so that I can work in it full time. I would file for wrongful dismissal and get a severance package so that I wouldn't be struggling financially while searching for work. I won't have to put up with the constant badgering and put downs that I get from my boss on an almost daily basis. I can kiss office politics goodbye..." and the list went on and on.

That very day, I walked into my boss's office when I was summoned and she proceeded to launch into her daily rant of how useless I was. I interrupted her and asked point blank, "Are you going to fire me?" That stopped her cold. I continued, "Because if you're going to fire me, I'd like to know in advance so I can get my resume ready." She began to stammer, and finally said, "Well, there's nothing in it for me if I fire you." Strange response, but I took it to mean NO. I replied, "Ok, then if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to work." When I left her office I felt like a new person. I had found a way to resurrect my voice. Although she did not fire me (in fact, she was fired), I went ahead and prepared my resume. I also began exploring my options for a quick exit, and decided in the end to pursue my dream of running my business full time while working part time for a base income. That was 8 years ago, and I don't ever regret leaving. I owe my change of mindset to those two very simple questions:

"What's the worst thing that can happen if I ..." AND
"What's the BEST thing that can happen if I ..."?

Moving forward, as you work through the process of Thinking, Saying, and Asking, remember that you must thoroughly exhaust ALL the questions in the Thinking component before moving forward. Once you think things through clearly, what you have to say and/or ask becomes much clearer.

I hope you have found this helpful. I know that sometimes it helps to have another perspective - a supportive, empathetic sounding board to help process your experience. Call me if you need someone to talk to: 1-866-754-6169 toll free, or contact me via my website: www.juliechristiansen.com.

In my next post, I'll review the TSA Model in its totality. Until then, stay solution focused!

Write a Book about Anger in 30 Days? Done!

About 33 days ago, I posted on Twitter and Facebook that I intended to write a brand new book in 30 days. My last book project took three years... count 'em... that's 365 days times 3, and we are still awaiting a press date. So I suppose that my insane objective of putting a book together from outline to cover within 30 days was beyond ambitious, and perhaps my way of shaking off the doldrums of a previously drawn out process. By posting my intentions through social media, I had ALL the motivation and accountability one could ask for. And so it began, with the formulation of an outline. After three tries, I had an outline I could work with. Chapters one and two flowed fairly effortlessly out of me, and I had them completed within the first two days (the introduction as well). Chapters three and four followed along at about the same pace, and I marvelled at how easily the ideas were pouring out in a way that was coherent and ordered. Somewhere between chapters five and seven, I realized that I had some notes lurking around from 1998 when I first thought of writing on this topic, but alas when I found them, three or four pages were missing of the 8 page document. So I went on a hunt for my floppy disks and then realized that we no longer have a computer with a floppy disk drive - what to do? My next step was heading off to the computer supply store and purchasing an external floppy drive for my laptop. Armed with this new piece of hardware, I went on a search for my lost files, and found them - on the VERY LAST disk I had to check! Sadly, much of what I thought was missing, I had already written into the new manuscript, but I was glad to find the lost notes all the same. In the middle of this, I got an order for a product that hadn't been created yet, which meant I had to create a brand new workbook and an accompanying manual for Anger Solutions facilitators to use with youth - I worked three days straight on that project, and spent another designing a cover and proofreading/editing, and off that one went to the printers. So having lost four days on my book writing project, I had to get my butt in gear. Also, during this time, I arranged to have a cover designed with my three time designer, Mark Beaudry of Couch Studio (http://www.couchstudio.com/). The clock was ticking, and I had to keep myself in line. I worked on the project whenever I had a spare moment, in between grading students, prepping to teach my new in-class courses, and seeing patients. Soon it was taking shape with only two chapters left to write. This brought me to Day 22. The last two chapters digressed from my outline which had served me well up until that point. While I tried to pull my thoughts together for the closure of the book, I went back to the beginning and did a once through, proofreading, editing, and making changes or expanding on some ideas that seemed a little thin. The final sentence of the last chapter was completed around 1:30 p.m. on February 20th, Day 28. I sent the completed manuscript to a colleague to do one final proofread for me, and sent out letters requesting celebrity endorsements for the book. So here we are at 33 days, and I have just received the final cut of my book cover design, and now it's time for the big reveal.



Yes - I said I would write a book in 30 days, and I did it. I actually can't believe it - but there it is. In all truth, I left off from writing this book for 14 years because I was afraid that I would not be able to do it, and when it came down to it, this was the easiest bit of work I have ever done! I am very proud of it, and will post little excerpts from it in the coming weeks so you can have a taste of the content. The book will be officially unveiled at Faith Tabernacle in Ottawa on the weekend of March 30th, but for now, here's a look at the cover.

Anger Solutions By the Book: Biblical Principles for Resolving Anger will soon be available through my website, www.angersolution.com, as well as through Facebook (once I figure out how to do that!) :).

To everyone who cheered me on and gave me your support, thanks very much!

Anger Solutions: Pain vs. Pleasure

People are always asking, "What makes Anger Solutions so much more effective than traditional anger management?" This is no simple question - as there are many facets of Anger Solutions that come together to make it an exceptional program. Today I want to share with you one of our great leveraging tools that help to contribute to our continued success. You heard about this a little from a previous posting in which I shared the story of Trey, and how I used pain as leverage to move him towards where he wanted to be.

This leveraging tool first conceptualized by Sigmund Freud is called, "The Pain/Pleasure Principle". It simply states that: Human beings will do more to avoid pain than they will to obtain pleasure.

Think about that for a minute: Human beings will do more to avoid pain than they will to obtain pleasure.

Ain't that the truth! Women will endure a great deal of abuse before they opt to leave a relationship. Employees will often put up with harrassment, put-downs, poor leadership, and all sorts of workplace challenges before they decide to leave a job. People will put up with all sorts of misbehaviour from loud, rowdy neighbours before they decide to call the police, start community action, or move to a quieter street. We have known this for years... that we must be highly frustrated or dissatisfied with a situation before we will attempt to make a change.

Why is this? Perhaps because there is safety in what we know. You've heard that old statement: "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't..." There is also a certain fear that is associated with changing - perhaps we will make the mistake of going from the frying pan into the fire.

This is also true when it comes to making behavioural change. It is so easy to do what we've always done - especially when there is some benefit in our current choice of action. Even if your present anger style is causing you pain, if you get the least amount of payoff from it, you will likely continue to use your old style because it is less painful than the perceived pain of trying to create change. We do this all the time - choose what we perceive to be the "lesser pain" rather than opting for what will bring us the "greater pleasure" in the long run.

Here's an example: Jon Smith is angry at his wife. He doesn't know how to talk to her without hurting her feelings, so he hides his anger by going out to the bars after work. This is causing him pain as well - because he is in effect alienating his wife and creating more distance between them. However, the perceived pain of confrontation is too much for him to handle so he avoids it by choosing the "lesser pain" of retreating to the bars. Jon's problem is that he has not considered the "greater pleasure" of what might happen if he sits down with his wife and has that difficult conversation. He is too afraid of the immediate discomfort and cannot see past that to how his relationship with his wife might be better if they just talk it out.

Anger Solutions challenges this way of thinking and encourages people to address the pain/pleasure principle on a conscious level. This proves to be an incredible leveraging tool - try it for yourself!

How would you apply the principle of pleasure and pain to the following situations?

1. Quitting smoking

2. Foolish binge spending

3. Losing you temper at work

Here's a Hint:

List the perceived benefits of each behaviour (or the "lesser pain") and remember what William Glasser says: "People do what makes sense to them..." If there is even a little benefit in the behaviour although it is painful, people will continue to do it.List the downside - what is truly painful about this behaviour (the "greater pain")?

Identify why it doesn't make sense. The key here is to emphasize the painful aspects or consequences of the behaviour...

Ask yourself: If by changing my behaviour, I could achieve the same or better feeling of pleasure without experiencing so much pain, would I change?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas to All!

I love this time of year because it is an opportunity to share in the joys of the season with those we love. It is also a time for me to reflect on the many blessings I have received and the lessons I have learned. Since my teenage years, I have always taken stock of my life right around the end of the year. Sometimes I didn't like what I saw when I looked back on my year - there were times when I realized that I had allowed other people to dictate my personality and my behaviour, and there were times that I was truly disappointed in myself. BUT - there were other times - that occured more frequently that I looked back and wondered, "How did I ever manage to accomplish that?"

This year I finally completed a task that I set out to accomplish in the fall of 2008 - that is the completion of my Masters Degree. I only wish my Mom could have been here to celebrate with me, but I know she was with me, encouraging me every step of the way. Now that my schooling (at least this stage of it) is finished, I am looking forward to new projects: research, more books, new program development, teaching, and of course, speaking engagements. Lets not forget too - the value of spending time with family and taking time for faith.

Since first going through the process of reflection and goal setting for the year to come, I have become more focused, more confident, and more determined to be the person that I believe God created me to be. My challenge to you this holiday season is to engage in a process of reflection and renewal for yourself. Take a look at what you have accomplished and how you have exceeded your own expectations. Then look ahead and begin to plan today for the life you want to create tomorrow. It was Henry Ford who said, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." What will you choose to be right about in this coming year?

From the depths of my heart, I would like to wish all my family, friends, colleagues, and partners the very best this Christmas, and may all the joy of the season be yours.

Anger Solutions in Action: E+R=O, A true story of LIFE SAVING change!

One of my coaching clients recently shared this story with me – and it clearly demonstrates the power of the equation made famous by Jack Canfield:

E+R=O (Event + Response = Outcome).

Several years ago, my client was vacationing with friends and they decided to go cave diving. Now – this is an activity that is not for the weak-minded or the claustrophobic. They were in full scuba gear, under water (of course) AND under ground. Imagine swimming in the dark, surrounded by water and rock. The four men were navigating a tunnel and my client was bringing up the rear. As he was maneuvering through the tunnel, he got stuck on a stalactite that impeded his movement.

I want you to think about what this must have felt like in that moment. It is cold and dark. Your friends have gone ahead and have no idea that you have been left behind or that there is any kind of trouble. You’re stuck in a tight space with limited mobility of your arms, and on top of that, you are underwater. You have no method of communication, and a limited supply of air. What would you do?

Finding himself trapped in this literal hole, my client realized that he had three options:
1. Panic – and die
2. Do nothing – and die
3. Calm down, find a way to get free, and live.

Which option do you think he chose?
When the panic died down and he had evaluated the situation more rationally, he was able to focus on the problem at hand. If there was a way he had become stuck, then by undoing that motion, he could get unstuck. That is exactly what he did. Using small, controlled, subtle movements, he was able to free his gear from the obstruction, and by changing his positioning as carefully as he could, he was able to clear the tunnel – living to tell the tale.

What do you do when faced with stressful situations? Do you panic? Do you shut down? Either of these responses will result in death – perhaps not literal death, but the death of the dream, goal, objective, or purpose that you were pursuing up until the point of crisis.

There is an inherent lesson in my client’s story. The Event was that he found himself stuck. This was his crisis point. If Events alone determined our outcomes, I wouldn’t be telling you this story today. My client would have died in that cave, and I never would have met him. What determined his outcome was his response.

It is important to note too, that he could not change anything about the event itself. He could not somehow magically drain the water out of the cave. He could not move the rock wall to make the space wider for him to get through. The only thing he could change or control was HIMSELF.

This is true for you as well. When you are faced with crisis (financial, mental, physical, or relational) your response will decide how things work out for you. If you panic in the face of challenges – your outcome will be very different than if you rationally seek solutions to your problems. When you find yourself “stuck” in an impossible situation, remember: you have three options. Panic – and die. Do nothing – and die. OR calm down, find a way to get free, and live.

Anger Solutions Boot Camp - Basic Training

Join me at Anger Solutions Boot Camp! On September 27, 2011 from 8:30am to 5:00pm at White Oaks Conference Resort and Spa in Niagara-on-the-Lake, ON. In participating in this basic training program you will learn methods to ensure positive and successful results. Please fill out the registration form above and send it with your cheque/money order or complete credit card information to:

Leverage U
73 Royal Manor Drive
St. Catharines, ON.
L2M 4L2

or fax to:

1-866-568-4694

Hope to see you there!

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Author of Anger Solutions Releases New Book about Stress

Author, Speaker, and Coach, Julie Christiansen has released her new book, When the Last Straw Falls: 30 Ways to Keep Stress from Breaking Your Back. The book release party takes place May 12, 2011 at the St. Catharines Museum Interactive Room at the Welland Canal (Lock 3) in St. Catharines. Julie was recently interviewed by Hugh Reilly, Host of ThatChannel's Liquid Lunch and the book has also been featured on CTS Television's "Real Life".

When the Last Straw Falls is currently available EXCLUSIVELY at AngerSolution.com: http://www.angersolution.com/laststraw.php. Trade Paperback, 190 pages, $24.95 CN.

Anger Solutions Training: May 2011 in Niagaraa

Join me for Anger Solutions training this spring in beautiful Niagara-on-the-Lake. This three day intensive will provide you with everything you need to hit the ground running with your own successful Anger Solutions program in your agency. You can also maximize your agency's return on investment sooner: as a Certified Anger Solutions Trainer, you can train other staffs in your agency on how to facilitate the program. This means ensuring continuity of programming and staffing in spite of turnover, vacations, sick leaves, etc. This is better for your agency, and certainly better for your clients.

Call us toll-free at 1-866-754-6169 to register. We still have some spaces available.

Amy Bishop, Pierre Lebrun and Workplace Bullying

Remember the case of Pierre Lebrun, the OC Transpo worker who murdered four co-workers and then killed himself in 1999? Pierre had been relentlessly ridiculed by co-workers because he had a stutter. He slapped one of the workers for harassing him, and then was reprimanded by management and forced to apologize. Lebrun was a victim of what is called Workplace Mobbing (or bullying that is perpetrated by a group of people as opposed to one person bullying or harassing another) ( M. Barzyk & E. Edmiston, personal communication, November 5, 2009). A paper presentation by Cassell (2010) about bullying in the academic world states that ":72% of workplace bullying incidences involved a harasser that was ranked higher than his or her victims (Zogby International, 2007 in Cassell, 2010). Bully OnLine reports that 20% of all calls and enquiries to their hotline have come from the education sector including universities. Another survey of employees in the academic workplace found that 40% of respondents acknowledged they were the targets of bullying. Bullying/mobbing behaviours include giving the silent treatment, eye rolling, witholding praise, feedback, or information, interrupting, excluding from conversations, or more overt behaviours including verbal/physical aggression or verbal/physical abuse. Bullying is described as psychological violence, and has been reported to contribute to stress, illness, depression, and thoughts of suicide (Chitale, 2008 in Cassell, 2010).

As the Amy Bishop case moves forward, it will be interesting to learn of how she was treated at the University of Alabama, as well as by other figures who factor into her strange life (brother, and the Harvard professor). I'm not saying that any of the victims are to blame, but I am interested to know if feelings of harassment, being bullied, or a past history of maltreatment or abuse contributed to her choices.

References:

Cassell, M. (2010). Bullying in academe: Prevalent, significant, and incessant. 2010 IABR & ITLC Conference Proceedings. Retrieved February 19, 2010 from http://www.gimi.us/CLUTE_INSTITUTE/ORLANDO_2010/Article450.pdf


Leverage U can help you to prevent workplace violence and ensure you are compliant with Ontario's Bill C-168. Call us at 1-866-754-6169 or visit our website at www.angersolution.com to find out more.

Getting Past Your Past - A Review

Enjoy this brief look at my latest seminar as guest speaker for Barbara Grumme's Love Your Life seminar. You can learn more about Barbara Grumme by visiting her site, http://www.barbaragrumme.com/.


For more on Getting Past Your Past...

Does Anger Need Medical Management?

Anger is now a Medical Issue?
Anger News in Review - November 11, 2007 on Google News: Road Rage has a New Name
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article2837671.ece

There’s even a new name for people who can’t restrain their anger. Extreme attacks of rage are linked to a medical condition called intermittent explosive disorder (IED, which fittingly shares its initials with improvised explosive device), a condition characterised by a failure to resist aggressive impulses. Harvard and Chicago Universities, which carried out joint research on IED, claim 4% of Americans are affected by the condition, many of whom probably own guns.

There are physical signs you should look out for to prevent an attack of rage. Your mouth dries, your heart starts racing, your hands slick with sweat, your face flushes, you breathe faster and you clench muscles, especially in the jaw and fists. If you are aware of these signs, you will know to be wary. At this point, ask yourself: is your anger to do with the situation, or the result of preexisting stress? What action can I take and still be in control of the situation? Something as simple as taking 15 deep breaths in a row, each time exhaling for twice as long as you inhale, will start to relax muscles.
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There's more but I think what we have here will suffice...
This article about road rage being lumped into the medical diagnosis of Intermittent Explosive Disorder seems to imply that rather than resolve anger, now all we have to do is medicate it. I’m not sure I like where this is heading. I believe that by categorizing a normal emotional response with a certain CHOICE of behaviours - and then giving it a medical diagnosis puts our society on an ever steepening (yes - I said steepening) slippery slope towards total lack of accountability for one's actions.

For example, all the symptoms described in the article as leading toward rage are part of the natural fight or flight physiological response to stress and anger. One might easily experience all of these symptoms – but choose to internalize their anger rather than externalize it. It seems misleading to imply that these physiological cues are sure fire indicators that you are heading for a bout of rage, when in fact the "rageful" behaviours are just as much a CHOICE as it is to keep one's feelings inside.

In fact, if one is aware of his/her physiological cues, and chooses to continues toward a rageful outburst, can that truly be defined as IED? Consider that IED is characterized by a swift buildup and explosion of anger, and a quick return to baseline – typically one does not have time to become aware of or to counteract the buildup – because of cognitive impairment such as developmental delay or acquired brain injury.

To say that road ragers have a medical condition is a huge cop out I think – and perpetuates the gross misconception that anger is a disease or a dis-order rather than something that was placed in the human emotional and psychological construct as part of our normal functioning. Think about the ramifications for making road rage and other types of outbursts a "medical" condition - what kind of havoc could this wreak on the streets when people come to believe that their chosen method of anger expression is a "sickness that couldn't be helped"?

Let me be clear about something: Anger in and of itself is not a sickness! Those of you who know me well have often heard me say this – it’s not contagious, and it’s not a disease. Anger is an emotion that is as natural as happiness, sadness, or fear. However, in my sometimes cynical mind, I suppose that since we can medicate sadness (with anti-depressants), and fear (with anti-anxiety drugs), it comes as no surprise that the push is on to find medications to quell the symptoms of anger too. If they ever come out with a treatment for happiness, I think that will be the day I might have to start looking for a saner planet on which to live.

Anger Solutions at Work: How to Cope with a Bully Boss

Anger Solutions at Work: How to Cope with a Bully Boss
Bullying at work is a form of workplace violence. By implementing sound strategies, and ensuring all employees are on the same page, employers and workers alike can reduce the risk and make work a safer place to be. In the province of Ontario it is the employer’s duty to provide a safe working environment. Failure to do so is punishable by law, and in severe cases could result in hefty fines and even jail time.
Knowing the law and your company’s internal policies is paramount to dealing with a bully boss. Ask questions. Visit websites that discuss labour law in Canada. Find out what protection exists for you and your co-workers within your company and in the legislation.
Make sure you document behaviours, dates, times, and witnesses, so that you have accurate information to report. Talk to your health and safety representative, union steward, or to the person who supervises your boss. Let’s face it, in a perfect world, the buck would stop there; however, the truth is that very often, complaints against bully bosses go unheard or unaddressed. It is also true, that others who privately say they will back you up, will often back out when the poop hits the fan, leaving you in the lurch without viable witnesses. Then, it is your word against the boss. (Again, this is why documentation is so valuable.)
Should you end up in a situation where you have tried all avenues and the boss is still allowed to continue with the offending behaviours, you may have to take matters into your own hands. Here are some suggestions that may prove helpful.
• Call the boss on his/her behaviour. If the bullying you are encountering comes across in the form of veiled threats, use negative inquiry. Example: “Are you saying that if I don’t improve on my performance that you are going to fire me?” By bringing the threat out into the open, the boss now has to own it, rather than hide behind it. Remember that manipulation only works as long as you don’t realize you’re being manipulated! Bring any such tactics out in the open, and don’t be surprised if the bully starts backpedaling big-time.
• Be clear about what behaviour is making you uncomfortable, and indicate what works for you. “When you talk to me that way in front of my co-workers, it makes me feel belittled and humiliated. I would really appreciate it if from now on you would share any criticisms in private.”
• Do your job to the best of your ability. If you are struggling, ask for help from the others on your team. If it comes down to the word of the boss against yours, your work will speak for itself. Better to have a solid performance record than a weak one.
• Take it to your union, the labour board, or a labour lawyer. Remember that allowing workplace bullying to continue unchecked is a criminally punishable offence under the law. You don’t have to take the abuse – the law is on your side.
• Start looking for another job. Unfortunately there are plenty of lousy bosses out there, but there are lots of great employers too. Before you get to the point at which you have lost every last shred of your self esteem, prime your resume, and get back in the job search saddle. No one says you have to put up with continued abuse from a workplace bully – especially if that bully has authority over you. Take control of your own destiny, and get out before it’s too late.
This article is excerpted from a free 4-page report “Coping with Workplace Violence”. To receive a copy of the report, contact Julie Christiansen by visiting her website: http://www.angersolution.com/.

Well - You Can't Control That!

Well - you can’t control THAT!

It seems that whenever I am scheduled to facilitate a Stress Busters program or focusing on the Stress Management aspect of my work, that things crop up to test my own ability in the area of stress and anger resolution. The last time I ran a Stress Busters course, I had a lot of speaking engagements booked back-to-back. With my schedule in mind, I planned my print/ship schedule for recent book orders in advance. However, due to circumstances beyond my control, I missed my ship time, and had to send materials out the next day. The items were picked up early in the a.m., so I expected all to go well. No worries - move on to something else... except - the next day, tracking showed that my boxes were stranded on a truck and would not make the delivery deadline. Instant stress.

Remember - stress is defined as a feeling that occurs when the current demands exceed the perceived resources available. So I started looking for resources in the hopes that my stress would be resolved along with the problem. I called my printer and arranged for them to do an emergency re-print of the materials. Then I hunted down another courier who claimed they could get my delivery in on time if I got it out before 5 p.m. OK - things were looking up. I got my reprints, ran across town to the courier and shipped it off. Then, I scooted back home again to deal with everything else that had been placed on the back burner while I managed this crisis.

I went off and facilitated my Stress Busters session and reminded myself that we can only deal with what we can control. Everything else is… well... a waste of time if we worry about it.
As it happens, when I checked the tracking number of my new shipment it turned out that an attempt had been made to deliver, but there was apparently no one there to sign for it - so they kept it, and would try again Monday. The problem is - they needed it NOW - Monday would be too late. That was the last straw.

So what are you gonna do? Absolutely nothing. I can't control the courier or what s/he does with my package. I can't control the recipient. I can't control what is happening on the other end where the package should be - but isn't. All I can control is this overwhelming urge to curl up in fetal position and cry.

Seriously - if this isn't a teachable moment, what is? If I can borrow from Oprah's favourite line, "What I know for sure" is that stuff happens. There is some stuff you can avoid or prevent, but sometimes despite your best efforts, things will just go horribly, horribly wrong. You can't explain it, and you can't control it. All you can do is control your own responses so that you can get to the best possible outcome.

Through this I have learned that trying to be accommodating on one end can cause huge inconveniences on another - and there must always be a balance between the two. I have learned that we must always factor in at least 20% more time than is ever needed to do ANYTHING - including delivering packages. I have learned that overnight delivery, can often mean 2-3 business days - thank you very much. And I have learned that I can never know enough about how to cope through crisis - because just when you think you've seen it all, God drops a new one in your lap.

Listen up… The last straw is falling. It may not have landed yet. In fact, you may not be feeling that stressed or overwhelmed at all right now. But life is just like that: just as we get used to living with a level of stress that is manageable, all of a sudden things can heat up without warning. The straw is falling. Somewhere, sometime, perhaps when you least expect it, it will land on you. Are you ready for it?

My new book, When the Last Straw Falls: 30 Ways to Keep Stress from Breaking Your Back, was written to equip you with everything you need to prevent the proverbial “last straw” from breaking you. It is available now from my website, www.angersolution.com/laststraw.php. Here are a few parting tips. When Stress Threatens to Overwhelm You:
• Breathe deeply – regulate your physical response
• Talk stressors through with others
• Check your attitudes & beliefs
• Laugh! It is the best medicine
• Change your perspectives
• Don’t allow the past to muddy the present

Lastly, when you are faced with circumstances that are completely beyond your power to change, shrug your shoulders, throw your hands up and say, “Well – You can’t control that!”
Written for The Anger Solutions Blog, http://angersolution.blogspot.com/

By Julie Christiansen, Author, International Speaker, Coach
President, Leverage U
www.angersolution.com
1-866-754-6169