When the Roads Get HOT: How to Deal with Road Rage

The Rise of Rage by Julie A. Christiansen

Last week, I took my hubby to Burlington for some guitar shopping and dinner to celebrate his

birthday. What should have been a 35 minute drive home turned into 2.5 hours of gridlock and delays due to traffic, construction, and poor navigation choices.

It was a perfect opportunity to see road rage at work, yet there were no angry outbursts, no dangerous or aggressive drivers in sight. Given that road rage is such a HOT topic right now, here are my thoughts on why road rage occurs and why we didn't see it during 2 hours of gridlock.

Anger shows up when one or more of these four conditions are present:

1. rules are broken
2. boundaries are violated
3. needs/expectations are unmet
4. goal attainment is thwarted

This happens often when we are on the road!

I believe the reason people stayed calm during our multi-hour ordeal was this:

1. No-one was violating the rules of the road. Everyone was respectfully staying in place. A few people turned back to try to find a better alternate route, but they did so safely.
2. No boundaries were violated. There was no aggressive driving (none of us could move!), and people were being as patient as they could be given the circumstances.
3. Our need to get home was not being met, but given that traffic was clearly locked down, our expectation of a very long wait was clearly established. Because we knew and EXPECTED to be sitting in traffic for a while, there was no escalation of angry feelings. We would have only felt anger had our expectations been for a quick commute.
4. We knew that one way or another, we were going to make it home. Since we were not in a rush, and the goal was only delayed, not thwarted, we were all good, and happy to be patient.

When people decide their needs, rules, or boundaries are more important than everyone else's, that's when things can go sideways on the road.

It has been my honour and privilege to speak with the media over the several days about the realities of road rage. See the link below to read the Global News article that started it all.

My new book, The Rise of Rage is now available for pre-order at Amazon! Reserve your copy today!

The Rise of Rage by Julie A. Christiansen

Road Rage is Heating Up in Canada - Global News Report, June 28, 2023

Never Negotiate Who You Are - Brene Brown

I came across this video and it really resonated. How do we enter into negotiations in business, family, or community and maintain our sense of self? What does it mean when people say they have 'trust issues'? How do we communicate with others the factors that impede our ability to trust them? This video provides clear insight with measurable factors that will contribute to improving your trust factor.

Anger Myth #3 Anger Should Be Controlled

If anger is an emotion, then it follows that we should be free to express our anger as freely as we express our other basic emotions.  No one thinks it odd that humans express their happiness, sadness or fear.  Yet the popular belief remains that anger if expressed can only lead to “bad things”.  In my seminars I have heard it explained this way, “Anger is dangerous…”, “Anger is sinful…”, “Showing your anger doesn’t help you in the end…”  Think about this: unexpressed anger has its repercussions as well.  Not expressing anger can hold far more consequences for the angry person in the way of ongoing emotional problems as a result of the unresolved feelings.  We also know that unresolved, unexpressed anger can lead to a wide range of physical problems such as ulcers, high blood pressure, migraines, heart disease and stroke, to name only a few.

If you're ready to learn more about anger, why not grab a copy of my book, Anger Solutions: Proven Strategies for Resolving Anger and Taking Control of Your Emotions! Your transformation is within reach! 

Enough is Enough - How to Turn Your Life Around

My personal and professional mission is to LEVERAGE people into radical, positive, lasting change. Download a copy of my F*R*E*E E-book titled, Radial, Positive, Lasting Change today!

#changeyourlife #enough #180 #angermanagement #goals #setyourselffree

I'm Back! Time to Level Up the Conversation about Anger and Emotions

Y'all - I have been absent from my blog for a MINUTE.

It has been a wild and crazy ride. Let me give you the short version of what's happened since I signed with The Seymour Agency in 2021.

I got super busy with my psychotherapy practice. We expanded. Then we expanded again to keep up with demand.

Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. I wrote a post about it on social media. Publishers came calling. I inked a book deal with Broadleaf Books.

My practice moved into a larger space. Renovations ensued.

I finished writing I Don't Feel So Good: Emotional Mastery for Teens and Emerging Adults.

I started and finished The Rise of Rage (to be published in 2024 with Broadleaf Books) in 90 days.

One of my best friends told me his cancer was terminal. His last requests were for me to support his wife, mom, and kids through his final days, and to officiate his celebration of life service. He passed away last November. I did as he asked.

That gets me to the end of 2022. Yeah. Exactly.

Enter 2023. Speaking requests started coming in January, and they keep coming. (Fist pump goes here). It's been a rollicking year: Indian Friendship Center in Sault Ste. Marie, Future Black Female Conference, Passion Purpose and Peace Summit, Niagara Leadership Summit for Women, International Women's Day event, Mental Health Conference, 40 Under 40 Awards, and more!

So... forgive me if this blog has been neglected. But it's back now, and I'm going to be sharing my content as well as content of some of the greats in personal development, self-help, and tips/tools to help you master your emotional states and behavioral responses.

As always, my mission remains leveraging people into open communication to achieve radical positive lasting change, so they can live free of anger, tension, and fear.

Do you want to get started? Download my F*R*E*E E-book, Radical Positive Lasting Change!

hashtag#blogger hashtag#comeback hashtag#publicspeaker hashtag#keynotespeaker hashtag#ITalkALot hashtag#mycalling hashtag#livewithpurpose hashtag#freedomology hashtag#podcaster

Anger Solutions: Pleasure vs. Pain

People are always asking, "What makes Anger Solutions so much more effective than traditional anger management?" This is no simple question - as there are many facets of Anger Solutions that come together to make it an exceptional program. Today I want to share with you one of our great leveraging tools that help to contribute to our continued success.  This leveraging tool is called, "The Pain/Pleasure Principle". It simply states that: Human beings will do more to avoid pain than they will to obtain pleasure.

 Think about that for a minute: Human beings will do more to avoid pain than they will to obtain pleasure. Ain't that the truth! Women will endure a great deal of abuse before they opt to leave a relationship. Employees will often put up with harrassment, put-downs, poor leadership, and all sorts of workplace challenges before they decide to leave a job. People will put up with all sorts of misbehaviour from loud, rowdy neighbours before they decide to call the police, start community action, or move to a quieter street. We have known this for years... that we must be highly frustrated or dissatisfied with a situation before we will attempt to make a change. Why is this? Perhaps because there is safety in what we know. You've heard that old statement: "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't..." There is also a certain fear that is associated with changing - perhaps we will make the mistake of going from the frying pan into the fire.

This is also true when it comes to making behavioural change. It is so easy to do what we've always done - especially when there is some benefit in our current choice of action. Even if your present anger style is causing you pain, if you get the least amount of payoff from it, you will likely continue to use your old style because it is less painful than the perceived pain of trying to create change. We do this all the time - choose what we perceive to be the "lesser pain" rather than opting for what will bring us the "greater pleasure" in the long run.

Here's an example: Jon Smith is angry at his wife. He doesn't know how to talk to her without hurting her feelings, so he hides his anger by going out to the bars after work. This is causing him pain as well - because he is in effect alienating his wife and creating more distance between them. However, the perceived pain of confrontation is too much for him to handle so he avoids it by choosing the "lesser pain" of retreating to the bars. Jon's problem is that he has not considered the "greater pleasure" of what might happen if he sits down with his wife and has that difficult conversation. He is too afraid of the immediate discomfort and cannot see past that to how his relationship with his wife might be better if they just talk it out.

Anger Solutions challenges this way of thinking and encourages people to address the pain/pleasure principle on a conscious level. This proves to be an incredible leveraging tool - try it for yourself!

How would you apply the principle of pleasure and pain to the following situations?
1. Quitting smoking
2. Foolish binge spending
3. Losing you temper at work

Here's a Hint: List the perceived benefits of each behaviour (or the "lesser pain") and remember what William Glasser says: "People do what makes sense to them..." If there is even a little benefit in the behaviour although it is painful, people will continue to do it.

 List the downside - what is truly painful about this behaviour (the "greater pain")?

Identify why it doesn't make sense.

The key here is to emphasize the painful aspects or consequences of the behaviour... Ask yourself: If by changing your behaviour, you could achieve the same or better feeling of pleasure without experiencing so much pain, would you change? If you would like to learn more about Anger Solutions, please visit our website, www.angersolution.com.

What is the Anger Solutions Program?

About the Anger Solutions™ Program

The Anger Solutions™ Program was developed out of an expressed need for a comprehensive anger management program that would serve the needs of individuals dealing with a mental illness. Due to contributing factors such as the side effects of medications, varying degrees of cognitive functionality, and in some cases, a decline in mental/emotional stability for the client group, the program needed to be:

1.    simple and easy to understand

2.    presented in a way that would enable the clients to assimilate their new skills

3.    hands-on vs. theoretical in its approach

4.    flexible enough to meet the diverse needs of the client group

5.    deliverable in a 1-hour format over 10 to 12 weeks

From this initial need, the following philosophy and program format was developed over four years of research and practical application:

1. To keep the program simple, it uses as little technical jargon as possible – keeping it at about the Grade 6/7 level of literacy/understanding (the same as daily newspapers)
2. The program follows the Psycho-Social Rehabilitation Model of Lifeskills acquisition and application in order to ensure the repetition and steady building of new skills
3. The Anger Solutions™ Program uses the WIT Model (Whatever It Takes) to reach its participants – successfully and effectively combining a variety of therapeutic approaches including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Rational Emotive Therapy, Reality Therapy (Choice Theory), Art and Music Therapy, and Solution Focused Brief Therapy principles.  This not only provides us with various hands-on tools we can apply within the program, but also creates a level of flexibility to work within the individual needs of the client group.
4. The program was designed to be deliverable in one – 1.5 hour modules over a 10-week period. It can be condensed to an 8 week program or extended to 12 weeks.
5. Note that over the initial 4 years of study and use, the program’s content evolved in order to meet the needs of a more diverse group (including children, people with Acquired Brain Injury, addictions, corrections, and developmental delay); however, the philosophy and structure has remained the same.
6. The program’s wholistic approach addresses pre-cursors to anger development including:

-                      poor self-esteem

-                      poor communication skills

-                      assertiveness training

-                      ingrained anger  styles, faulty beliefs, and misperceptions about anger

The Anger Solutions™ Program has various objectives:

1.            To educate and empower each participant to make right choices about their anger

2.            To encourage the taking of responsibility for one’s feelings and actions (vs. laying blame on outside influences)

3.            To effect a significant reduction in harmful, inappropriate behaviour on the part of the participant OR to completely eliminate target behaviours identified by the participant

4.            Participants will experience an increase in their ability to identify the precursors to their own anger, and will be able to make conscious choices both before anger escalates, and in situations of escalated anger

Additional effects or outcomes that can be expected as a result of successful completion of the program include but are not limited to:

1.    Significant increase in self-esteem

2.    Decrease or discontinuation of use of drugs or alcohol as self-medication

3.    Self-reported improvement in overall quality of life of participants

4.    Improvements in quality of mental health

5.    Significant decrease in physical ailments and physiological effects of stress

Measurement Tools used at Intake and Exit:

       Rosenberg Self Esteem Scale

       Clinical Anger Scale

       Anger Solutions™ Participant Surveys (Intake and Exit)

Training is provided on how to use these tools during the Train the Trainer program, and through our tele-seminar series.

Interested in receiving certification as an Anger Solutions Facilitator? Contact us! www.angersolution.com.