It's Not True! Anger is not Behavior

Myths about Anger - A thread

Myth 1: Anger is behaviour

I know you are likely getting tired of reading this over and over again, but a wise man said, “Repetition is the mother of skill”.  So hear this again: Anger is NOT behaviour!  Anger is experienced as a negative emotion, one of the basic four emotions that we as humans experience: happy, sad, mad, and afraid.  We do not do happy, or sad or afraid.  Why then should we expect to do anger?  We do not use the term, “I’m getting happy!” on a regular basis, but it is not unusual for one to say, “I’m getting mad at you!” 

Tradition says that anger is what we see, and it is a mask for more "primary" emotions that lie beneath the surface. This is not true! Anger is, in fact, a basic emotion that emerges as early as the first year of life. The reality is that anger is NOT what we see. We see scowling, grimacing, we hear yelling or swearing, we hear verbal abuse, we see doors slamming, erratic driving, or aggressive, intimidating actions. What we SEE is behavior.

I have found the myth that anger is behavior to be the most widely believed in our society.  It is what I call a “foundational” belief, because almost every other myth that exists about anger rests upon this first one.  It is imperative that we go right to the heart of the matter and change this foundational belief.  Once this myth is dispelled, the other myths will melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Would you like to know more about anger and how to resolve it safely and appropriately? My book, Anger Solutions: Proven Strategies for Effectively Resolving Anger and Taking Control of Your Emotions remains available for a limited time! Grab your copy before they're all gone.

Enough is Enough - How to Turn Your Life Around

My personal and professional mission is to LEVERAGE people into radical, positive, lasting change. Download a copy of my F*R*E*E E-book titled, Radial, Positive, Lasting Change today!

#changeyourlife #enough #180 #angermanagement #goals #setyourselffree

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas to All!

I love this time of year because it is an opportunity to share in the joys of the season with those we love. It is also a time for me to reflect on the many blessings I have received and the lessons I have learned. Since my teenage years, I have always taken stock of my life right around the end of the year. Sometimes I didn't like what I saw when I looked back on my year - there were times when I realized that I had allowed other people to dictate my personality and my behaviour, and there were times that I was truly disappointed in myself. BUT - there were other times - that occured more frequently that I looked back and wondered, "How did I ever manage to accomplish that?"

This year I finally completed a task that I set out to accomplish in the fall of 2008 - that is the completion of my Masters Degree. I only wish my Mom could have been here to celebrate with me, but I know she was with me, encouraging me every step of the way. Now that my schooling (at least this stage of it) is finished, I am looking forward to new projects: research, more books, new program development, teaching, and of course, speaking engagements. Lets not forget too - the value of spending time with family and taking time for faith.

Since first going through the process of reflection and goal setting for the year to come, I have become more focused, more confident, and more determined to be the person that I believe God created me to be. My challenge to you this holiday season is to engage in a process of reflection and renewal for yourself. Take a look at what you have accomplished and how you have exceeded your own expectations. Then look ahead and begin to plan today for the life you want to create tomorrow. It was Henry Ford who said, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." What will you choose to be right about in this coming year?

From the depths of my heart, I would like to wish all my family, friends, colleagues, and partners the very best this Christmas, and may all the joy of the season be yours.