TSA in Review: Anger Solutions Bullying at Work

In my previous blog posts, my focus was on specific things we can do to process what is happening and how best to deal with bullies in the workplace. I promised to review the TSA process in full for this installment, and as I was preparing to do so, I came across this poster on Pinterest and had to share it. "Most of the problems in life are because of two reasons: we act without thinking, or we keep thinking without acting." This notion is one of the underpinnings of Anger Solutions philosophy - that we must be conscious in our efforts to process our experiences and to make clear, informed decisions BEFORE we take action. In my book, Anger Solutions: Proven Strategies for Effectively Resolving Anger, I note that when we are angry and we act without thinking, we typically will lash out, use verbal aggression or verbal abuse, or perhaps even use physical aggression or abuse to express our ire. Whe we think without acting, anger is internalized resulting in physical ailments, emotional upset, and distress. Bitterness, resentment, mood disturbances, "trust issues", insomnia, heart disease, diabetes, depression, chronic inflammation (fibromyalgia, polymyalgia, asthma) and other illnesses can be linked directly to the stress that is caused by the internalization of negative emotions. This is why TSA is so important and inherently essential to the resolution of anger.

T: Think - what is happening? What does it mean? How do I feel about it? What is the lifetime value of this event? How would I like this to be resolved? What is the best thing that can happen if I choose this option? What is the worst thing that can happen if I choose this option?

S: Say - Talk to the people who matter - who are directly involved in the issue you wish to resolve. No water cooler talk, no coffee talk. Don't talk AROUND the issue: approach the issue head on. Say, "This is how I feel and this is why. These are my expectations for the future. I am observing these behaviours and this is what they mean to me. In future, for us to communicate clearly with each other/work more effectively together, this is what I need to happen."

A: Ask - Invite the other party to engage in the dialogue. Remember - this is about resolution, not about winning. In order to resolve a problem people must work together. This means you advocate for your position but you do not become adversarial. You must also seek to accommodate the needs of the other party (within reason) as much as you hope they will accommodate your needs. Ask questions like, "Can you see where I'm coming from? Do we have an agreement? How can we work together so that this conflict does not arise again?" Asking the right kinds of questions indicates your commitment to understanding the other party. It demonstrates empathy, and a willingness to work together.

Whenever you have these kinds of conversations with your bullies (or with anyone else in the workplace with whom you might have conflict), document exactly what was said, who was there, and what the circumstances were surrounding the event. Be sure you also document the outcome of the conversation as you remember it. You never know when you may need the record of that conversation to back you up later.

If you are being bullied at work and need additional support to get through it, please call me toll free: 1-866-754-6169. I would be happy to assist. To learn more about my counselling services, visit: http://www.juliechristiansen.com.

Can Your Team Survive?

The process of elimination is everywhere in our cultural psyche these days. With elimination game shows (under the guise of “reality television”) proliferating our prime time entertainment, it is not implausible to think that the tactics we see displayed on the small screen might spill over into our thinking about workplace interactions. But can workplace teams survive the new “top dog” mentality?

In almost every elimination game show, the players must face and overcome a challenge. Sometimes, they are given the opportunity to work in teams, or to team up against other players; however, the understanding that only one player can win is never far from each player’s mind. So, although the teams may work together to win a challenge, the motivation to win is never ultimately for the good of the team; the team only functions because to do so fits the individual motivations and machinations of each player.

Look at this now from a workplace perspective. An organization exists to fulfill its mission. It hires individual people to work in teams that can work together to carry out certain tasks that fit the mission and vision of the organization. What would happen if each member of the team approached their duties with the “top dog” mindset – working with others on the surface, while making subtle attempts to undermine the credibility and the effectiveness of the other team members? What if team players worked like the elimination game players, holding clandestine meetings, forming alliances, and plotting to remove other players from the field for their own gain? Would the team survive? The more pressing question is: would the company survive?

The sad truth is that although history proves that backstabbing, water cooler talk, and inside alliances for the purposes of bringing about the demise of someone else’s career are not tactics that promote a healthy, thriving workplace, our current cultural climate promotes doing exactly that. Nonetheless, it is not too late to bring back the time-honoured principles of loyalty, moral commitments, integrity, and honesty to the team environment.

The words of Commander Spock come to mind when I think of teams: “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of one.” Taking the “survival of the fittest” mentality to work only undermines productivity, breeds negativity, and depletes the morale of the team – ultimately resulting in financial losses for the company. Working together in strong, productive teams is the only way for businesses to survive in today’s dog-eat-dog climate. That’s why with teams, “Together Everyone Achieves More.”

If you'd like to learn how to help your team survive and thrive in these challenging times, call Leverage U (http://www.angersolution.com/) at 1-866-754-6169 to learn about our dynamic Workplace Survivor: Extreme Team Building program.

Resolving Conflict, Anger, and Negativity in the Workplace

This article is a re-post - originally written by Virginia Matthews and published in PersonnelToday.com.


If you would like to learn how to nip work rage in the bud, then sign up for our upcoming session of "Resolving Conflict, Anger, and Negativity in the Workplace". This 1/2 day session will expose the truth about conflict and negativity, and provide practical strategies that you can immediately begin using upon your return to work. The next workshop takes place Friday, February 12, 2010 at The FRONT, 283 St. Paul Street, St. Catharines, from 8:30 to Noon. Register online today!

To register for the February 12th morning session, click here.

ENJOY THE ARTICLE!
The traditionally curmudgeonly British character shouldn’t lead us to overlook the risks anger at work can pose to staff health and wellbeing, writes Virginia Matthews.

Victor Meldrew-style grumpiness may be a familiar part of British life, but according to author and critic AA Gill, writing in The Angry Island, the English are also "naturally, congenitally, collectively and singularly livid much of the time... incensed, incandescent, splenetic, prickly, touchy, and fractious... they're living on top of a keg of fulminating fury."

And the anger isn't restricted to road, shopping or Naomi Campbell-style air-rage either.

Work rage
According to recent research from employment law firm Peninsula, eight in 10 of us suffer from 'work rage' triggered by anything from lazy colleagues to ill-defined job roles. As many as seven in 10 report that verbal abuse and shouting is common in their place of work.
Seeing a colleague hurl their BlackBerry at the wall or square-up to an unpopular boss may be diverting at the time, but according to Dirk Hansen, director of clinical and service quality at Employee Advisory Resource, a persistently angry colleague can be highly disruptive in a team.
"Anger makes people say hurtful things and it triggers insecurity and lack of trust. Staff may become tentative in their approach to a colleague with anger problems, obstructing the work process and flow, and in the case of explosive anger, may become fearful of violence."

He advocates a zero-tolerance approach when the red mist comes down. "Line management should directly confront any individual who exhibits anger in the workplace and HR should not hesitate to deal with it in a disciplinary context."

Mike Fisher, founder of the British Association of Anger Management, says most organisations are in denial over work-rage, making it "the hot potato that nobody wants to touch".
He argues that while stress, anxiety or low self-esteem are already familiar territory to managers, the gnawing rage suffered inwardly by some staff tends to be hidden under a veneer of self-deprecation and sarcasm.

"While HR has come to embrace the problem of work-induced stress, the anger that invariably follows it is still the elephant in the room," says Fisher, a self-confessed 'passive-aggressive'.
"Yet this is a problem that will only continue to rise along with the country's current economic problems," he adds.

Although most flare-ups at work are minor – an oath, a phone banged down or a slammed desk drawer – work rage can, on occasions, be dramatic. Paul Dubois, senior anger management instructor at Reed Learning, talks of the two senior surgeons referred to him after they set upon one another with scalpels and knives in an operating theatre: Ivan Robertson of occupational psychologists Robertson Cooper, remembers seeing a colleague coolly smash every single window pane in his office with a metal waste basket.

Calculated subversion
In Fisher's view, though, the problem of "calculated subversion" is far more of a danger to most employers. "Although it is still deemed acceptable in our society for senior directors to blow their tops and bawl out colleagues, overt aggression is very rare among the lower ranks."
For those workers who feel they don't have a voice at work, undermining the organisation at every possible opportunity can be a far more subtle and deadly way of fighting back, he says.
"Spending extra time at lunch and on breaks is a favourite, as is lying on expenses forms. Angry staff will also spread malicious rumours, phone in sick when it's most inconvenient, be less caring towards customers and be downright obstreperous towards new members of staff," Fisher says.
"You won't even realise what they've been doing until there's a wave of resignations or you lose your biggest customers or contracts."

When it comes to figuring out why we are so angry in the first place – and the rage appears to affect teachers and doctors as much as call centre or sales staff – the consensus of opinion is that lack of autonomy and control, as well as ill-defined work roles, are the number-one suspects, along with mounting workloads and smaller staff numbers.

In the Metropolitan Police, which recently launched 'Shrinking Clouds', a toolkit that aims to combat absenteeism, it is stress, not anger, that receives the most attention.
"I've never yet seen a doctor's note that says: 'Mr So-and-So is off work due to anger problems'," says chief medical officer Dr Eileen Cahill-Canning.
"I consider stress to be a far less pejorative word than anger and far easier for people to talk about, even though the two are inextricably linked."

She adds: "Our officers are highly trained not to react emotionally or angrily when faced with highly stressful situations. While it is possible that repressing anger in this way could lead to severe problems later on, we believe our concentration on stress, together with our falling absenteeism levels, speak for themselves."

The right target
For many organisations, anger management only hits the radar when there's been 'an incident' – a shouting match in the middle of the accounts department, or wilful damage to company property. Yet the individual chosen to receive lessons in managing their anger is not always the right one, says Dubois. "In many cases, employers are happy to blame individual members of staff for the outburst against a manager, without examining either whether their treatment at work has been fair or finding out whether there's another reason – perhaps a deeply personal one – for their display of anger."

"Although our courses tend to be filled with staff, not their managers, in nine cases out of 10, I would argue that it is actually their bosses who need to manage their anger better too," he says. "Ultimately, we teach people how to say 'no' to their employer, but to do it in an assertive, rather than aggressive way that avoids both manipulating others and resorting to threats or violence."

Police stress
If you are a police officer walking the streets of somewhere like Peckham or Brixton, it is highly likely that you will need to take time out on a regular basis when the stress of the job gets too much, says chief medical officer Dr Eileen Cahill-Canning.

“We train our managers to pick up on any signs of their officers performing less well or being preoccupied – being different to their usual selves really – and whether they are referred to occupational health for assessment or choose to self-refer, all treatment is confidential and voluntary.

“If their stress levels – and this can of course include repressed anger – mean they are no longer fit for work, or are not coping, we encourage them to have a break from their front-line, operational duties. We call this being switched to a ‘recuperative role’, and it means they are treated, in effect, as back-office staff until they are fully recovered,” Cahill-Canning says.
“Life getting on top of you is a pretty common occurrence in the Met – whether caused by stress at work or problems in their private lives – and having invested so much time, energy and money in these men, we do all we can to help them recover from stress rather than see them walk out of the door.”

Virginia Matthews (About this Author)
www.PersonnelToday.com
Tuesday, 02 September 2008