Yesterday, I held my first Stress Busters for Professionals workshop in about a year. We had a good turnout of 12 people from all walks of life, clerks, managers, real estate agents, sales executives, and small business owners. Every time I do one of these programs, I am reminded of just how much I LOVE working with people, and sharing insights that can help them improve their lives. I am also reminded of how much I learn each time I facilitate one of these workshops. One of the best parts about the Stress program is getting everyone down on the floor to do some relaxation exercises. In North American society, we are always in such a rush, and everything is always so noisy and busy, that we very rarely get permission (much less the chance) to just stop... to enjoy the silence, and to just BE.
This five to ten minute exercise, in which we just take the time to reacquaint ourselves with our bodies and our spirits, and to just BE in the moment - to me, is worth the whole day. To see people get up from that place of tranquility and to witness the changes in their faces, their posture, their breathing... it is pretty cool to be a part of that transformation.
Thanks to all attendees for the great reviews - 4s and 5s out of 5 - and I appreciate the positive comments and encouragement, some of which I'll share here...
"It was a nice, casual approach..."
"Great seminar - I will use the tools provided and it was nice to have some re-affirmation."
"Thank you for a wonderful day!"
"Excellent course content. Very useful tools."
"I was able to learn somethings new and valuable that I will be able to use."
"I enjoyed the day; happy I registered."
Our next Stress Busters session will take place early in 2008 - By then I hope to have my new book about Busting Stress ready and in print. In the meantime, keep your eyes peeled here as I talk about some of those issues that will eventually make it into the book.
What's your biggest challenge when it comes to stress? I'd like to hear from you!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
New Yorkers caught up in SPIN Rage!
This Just In:
New York broker accused in 'spin rage,' assault on gym member
Tue Sep 18, 11:50 PM
"NEW YORK (AP) - A Wall Street stock broker has been charged with assault after he became enraged during a cycling class at a posh health club and slammed a fellow member and his bike against a wall.
Christopher Carter, 44, a broker at Maxim Investments Group, was at Equinox gym taking a spin class, a high-impact workout using stationary bikes. He apparently became so fed up by member Stuart Sugarman's hooting and grunting during the workout that he picked up Sugarman and his bike and hurled them into a wall.
Samuel Davis, Sugarman's lawyer calls the incident an example of spin rage."
You KNOW I'm going to have something to say about this!
This is a classic example of super aggressive behaviour. Check out the whole article on Yahoo Canada news - notice that Carter shows no remorse for his behaviour. In his mind, he did what he had to do to get Sugarman to shut up, and got the result he wanted. Why in the world should he change his anger style?
Listen - people do what makes sense to them (said a man much wiser than I - William Glasser). In other words, they do what they believe will get them the results or outcomes they desire. Carter did what made sense for him at the time; however I'm guessing he was too caught up in the heat of the moment to see the criminal charges coming at him as a consequence of his choice. If it is true that Sugarman had to have back surgery as a result of the assault, the gym better have some strategy in place for damage control (such as banning the offender, Carter) - otherwise they may have a lawsuit on their hands as well.
How about this? Sugarman's lawyer calls this an "example of spin rage". What exactly does that mean? Is "spin rage" a common occurence in NYC? Is spin rage some kind of epidemic sweeping the city or is this another incident of the use of unnecessary force to resolve a stupid argument? The term "road rage" was coined in the late 80s / early 90s and has since been adapted to everything from office/desk rage to surf rage. It seems now that any act of aggression needs to have a label - it is almost as if giving it the label softens it somehow... "It was an act of spin rage, folks. If he hadn't been spinning, he never would have behaved that way." Do you see how ludicrous that sounds?
The truth is that aggressive people behave aggressively when they think it will get them what they want. The circumstance, environment, or people involved don't really matter - they just provide a setting for the aggression. Aggressive drivers are just aggressive drivers. Yes, sometimes people who are typically more docile will come upon an occasion in which they will totally lose their cool and act out of character; however, for the most part, when you see someone acting aggressively - it's because that's how they are MOST of the time. It is how they CHOOSE to be. So it will be interesting to see how this case pans out - will Carter get off or will the courts recognize that this guy is just a rich bully who is prepared to thrash people who get in his way? Maybe it works on Wall Street, but in the gym - think again.
New York broker accused in 'spin rage,' assault on gym member
Tue Sep 18, 11:50 PM
"NEW YORK (AP) - A Wall Street stock broker has been charged with assault after he became enraged during a cycling class at a posh health club and slammed a fellow member and his bike against a wall.
Christopher Carter, 44, a broker at Maxim Investments Group, was at Equinox gym taking a spin class, a high-impact workout using stationary bikes. He apparently became so fed up by member Stuart Sugarman's hooting and grunting during the workout that he picked up Sugarman and his bike and hurled them into a wall.
Samuel Davis, Sugarman's lawyer calls the incident an example of spin rage."
You KNOW I'm going to have something to say about this!
This is a classic example of super aggressive behaviour. Check out the whole article on Yahoo Canada news - notice that Carter shows no remorse for his behaviour. In his mind, he did what he had to do to get Sugarman to shut up, and got the result he wanted. Why in the world should he change his anger style?
Listen - people do what makes sense to them (said a man much wiser than I - William Glasser). In other words, they do what they believe will get them the results or outcomes they desire. Carter did what made sense for him at the time; however I'm guessing he was too caught up in the heat of the moment to see the criminal charges coming at him as a consequence of his choice. If it is true that Sugarman had to have back surgery as a result of the assault, the gym better have some strategy in place for damage control (such as banning the offender, Carter) - otherwise they may have a lawsuit on their hands as well.
How about this? Sugarman's lawyer calls this an "example of spin rage". What exactly does that mean? Is "spin rage" a common occurence in NYC? Is spin rage some kind of epidemic sweeping the city or is this another incident of the use of unnecessary force to resolve a stupid argument? The term "road rage" was coined in the late 80s / early 90s and has since been adapted to everything from office/desk rage to surf rage. It seems now that any act of aggression needs to have a label - it is almost as if giving it the label softens it somehow... "It was an act of spin rage, folks. If he hadn't been spinning, he never would have behaved that way." Do you see how ludicrous that sounds?
The truth is that aggressive people behave aggressively when they think it will get them what they want. The circumstance, environment, or people involved don't really matter - they just provide a setting for the aggression. Aggressive drivers are just aggressive drivers. Yes, sometimes people who are typically more docile will come upon an occasion in which they will totally lose their cool and act out of character; however, for the most part, when you see someone acting aggressively - it's because that's how they are MOST of the time. It is how they CHOOSE to be. So it will be interesting to see how this case pans out - will Carter get off or will the courts recognize that this guy is just a rich bully who is prepared to thrash people who get in his way? Maybe it works on Wall Street, but in the gym - think again.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
What's UP with the Suicide Rate?
This just in Sept. 8-07 from the St. Catharines Standard:
"Girls' suicide rate in U.S. highest in 15 years"
The suicide rate among preteen and teenage girls in the United States rose to its highest level in 15 years, and hanging surpassed guns as the preferred method, federal health officials reported Thursday. The biggest jump - about 76 per cent - was in the suicide rate for girls ages 10-14 from 2003 to 2004. There were 94 suicides in that age group in 2004, compared to 56 in 2003. That's a rate of fewer than one per 100,000 population. Overall, suicide was the third leading cause of death among young Americans in 2004, accounting for 4,599 deaths.
What's wrong with this picture? Think about this... the biggest increase in death by suicide in the US, is among girls 10-14 years of age. Sure, the statisticians say that only amounts to one per 100,000 population. But look at it this way: in the city of St. Catharines, with an estimated population of 300,000, that's three families this year who might have to bury their baby girls. In a city of 1 million - that's 30 families that will put their 10-14 year old in the ground. Is that acceptable to you? Almost 4600 American families lost their kids to suicide in 2004 - who knows what the stats will read when the studies for 2006 and 2007 come out. In Canada,
completed suicide is about 3½ times higher for adolescent boys than girls in Canada, and suicide is the second leading cause of death for Canadian young people aged 15-19. I don't know about you but I find these stats alarming.
We all have a responsibility to our kids - to teach them how to resolve conflict, how to work through problems, how to ask for help, and how to help others.
We parents have a responsibility to be aware of what is happening with our kids and to stop burying our heads in the sand, hoping that their dark moods will be just a passing phase. We need to stop trying to be their BUDDY and start being their PARENT. Friendship will flow naturally from a healthy child/parent relationship. Permissiveness is not the answer. Being a heavy handed authoritarian is not the answer either. BUT kids need boundaries. They need to feel secure. They need to know that there are alternative solutions for every problem. They need to have a voice for their emotions, including their anger, fear, and depression.
Educators too have a responsibility to teach these solutions in the schools. We've come a long way in drug education - what about talking about issues that lead kids to experiment with drugs? While we don't want to give kids any ideas... we have to realize that MTV is raising our kids while we sit idly by, hoping for the best. Pardon my rant, but I believe that there are other alternatives to suicide. Suicide is a desperate act - a cry for help from a desperate person. I DON'T believe that any pre-teen or teenager (or anyone else for that matter) should have to feel so alone and so detached from his/her world that s/he has to turn to suicide.
There are several factors that can lead to childhood depression or anti-social/aggressive behaviour. Among them are family intactness (married/co-habiting/divorced or separated parents), the presence or absence of extended family support, behavioural trends from as early as age 3, pro-social or anti-social parenting, whether or not a child is popular, rejected, or neglected in school, and the list goes on. Anger Solutions gives kids a system for expressing their feelings about negative topics; teaches parents how to behave like grownups so they can set a good example for their kids; gives safe and appropriate alternatives to self-abusive behaviours and anger turned out-ward. In a nutshell, Anger Solutions(TM) teaches people of any age how to deal with their emotions and their problems more effectively.
I have been advocating for several years now that this material needs to be introduced into schools at the elementary level. I am typically called into high schools to talk about stress and self-esteem, and that's fine, but what about the kids who will never make it to high school? We need to begin interventions earlier, and stop taking it forgranted that "little kids don't have problems". Let's face the truth, folks. The stats don't lie.
"Girls' suicide rate in U.S. highest in 15 years"
The suicide rate among preteen and teenage girls in the United States rose to its highest level in 15 years, and hanging surpassed guns as the preferred method, federal health officials reported Thursday. The biggest jump - about 76 per cent - was in the suicide rate for girls ages 10-14 from 2003 to 2004. There were 94 suicides in that age group in 2004, compared to 56 in 2003. That's a rate of fewer than one per 100,000 population. Overall, suicide was the third leading cause of death among young Americans in 2004, accounting for 4,599 deaths.
What's wrong with this picture? Think about this... the biggest increase in death by suicide in the US, is among girls 10-14 years of age. Sure, the statisticians say that only amounts to one per 100,000 population. But look at it this way: in the city of St. Catharines, with an estimated population of 300,000, that's three families this year who might have to bury their baby girls. In a city of 1 million - that's 30 families that will put their 10-14 year old in the ground. Is that acceptable to you? Almost 4600 American families lost their kids to suicide in 2004 - who knows what the stats will read when the studies for 2006 and 2007 come out. In Canada,
completed suicide is about 3½ times higher for adolescent boys than girls in Canada, and suicide is the second leading cause of death for Canadian young people aged 15-19. I don't know about you but I find these stats alarming.
We all have a responsibility to our kids - to teach them how to resolve conflict, how to work through problems, how to ask for help, and how to help others.
We parents have a responsibility to be aware of what is happening with our kids and to stop burying our heads in the sand, hoping that their dark moods will be just a passing phase. We need to stop trying to be their BUDDY and start being their PARENT. Friendship will flow naturally from a healthy child/parent relationship. Permissiveness is not the answer. Being a heavy handed authoritarian is not the answer either. BUT kids need boundaries. They need to feel secure. They need to know that there are alternative solutions for every problem. They need to have a voice for their emotions, including their anger, fear, and depression.
Educators too have a responsibility to teach these solutions in the schools. We've come a long way in drug education - what about talking about issues that lead kids to experiment with drugs? While we don't want to give kids any ideas... we have to realize that MTV is raising our kids while we sit idly by, hoping for the best. Pardon my rant, but I believe that there are other alternatives to suicide. Suicide is a desperate act - a cry for help from a desperate person. I DON'T believe that any pre-teen or teenager (or anyone else for that matter) should have to feel so alone and so detached from his/her world that s/he has to turn to suicide.
There are several factors that can lead to childhood depression or anti-social/aggressive behaviour. Among them are family intactness (married/co-habiting/divorced or separated parents), the presence or absence of extended family support, behavioural trends from as early as age 3, pro-social or anti-social parenting, whether or not a child is popular, rejected, or neglected in school, and the list goes on. Anger Solutions gives kids a system for expressing their feelings about negative topics; teaches parents how to behave like grownups so they can set a good example for their kids; gives safe and appropriate alternatives to self-abusive behaviours and anger turned out-ward. In a nutshell, Anger Solutions(TM) teaches people of any age how to deal with their emotions and their problems more effectively.
I have been advocating for several years now that this material needs to be introduced into schools at the elementary level. I am typically called into high schools to talk about stress and self-esteem, and that's fine, but what about the kids who will never make it to high school? We need to begin interventions earlier, and stop taking it forgranted that "little kids don't have problems". Let's face the truth, folks. The stats don't lie.
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