So here's a story of a young man who was taking anger management classes for a domestic incident with his sister, and while learning how to manage his anger, punches his four-month pregnant girlfriend in the mouth, then kicks her in the stomach because she wouldn't watch tv or use her phone. Here's the link: http://www.fox41.com/story/14333312/man-charged-with-fetal-homicide-after-fatal-kick So I read this, and I'm thinking... Seriously? He tried to kill her baby because she wouldn't watch tv? That does not sound like an "anger management" problem - this person sounds like someone with severe frustration intolerance, poor impulse control, and a need to control others in his environment (likely because he cannot control himself). Again, I plead with judges and district attorneys all over North America - please, please stop sending control junkies like this man to "anger management" thinking that it will make a difference! Their problem is not anger - it is their desire to control the people around them through the use of intimidation and violence. So please, do all of us who work in the area of anger a favour. Stop acting like anger management can "fix" people who don't even know they are broken. We don't fix people. We don't cure people. Anger, by the way, is not a disease and doesn't need curing. We can only teach people how to make better decisions when they are feeling angry. When people like Ruben Anthony beat on their so-called loved ones, it's not anger. It's abuse. Send them to programs that specifically address spousal or partner assault. How many more times does this have to happen before you get it? Stop giving out band aids for gunshot wounds. Stop it. Now.
Showing posts with label assault. Show all posts
Showing posts with label assault. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Another case of anger management gone wrong
So here's a story of a young man who was taking anger management classes for a domestic incident with his sister, and while learning how to manage his anger, punches his four-month pregnant girlfriend in the mouth, then kicks her in the stomach because she wouldn't watch tv or use her phone. Here's the link: http://www.fox41.com/story/14333312/man-charged-with-fetal-homicide-after-fatal-kick So I read this, and I'm thinking... Seriously? He tried to kill her baby because she wouldn't watch tv? That does not sound like an "anger management" problem - this person sounds like someone with severe frustration intolerance, poor impulse control, and a need to control others in his environment (likely because he cannot control himself). Again, I plead with judges and district attorneys all over North America - please, please stop sending control junkies like this man to "anger management" thinking that it will make a difference! Their problem is not anger - it is their desire to control the people around them through the use of intimidation and violence. So please, do all of us who work in the area of anger a favour. Stop acting like anger management can "fix" people who don't even know they are broken. We don't fix people. We don't cure people. Anger, by the way, is not a disease and doesn't need curing. We can only teach people how to make better decisions when they are feeling angry. When people like Ruben Anthony beat on their so-called loved ones, it's not anger. It's abuse. Send them to programs that specifically address spousal or partner assault. How many more times does this have to happen before you get it? Stop giving out band aids for gunshot wounds. Stop it. Now.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Anger in Paradise: Pizza Rage
This just in from NBCMiami.com - http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local-beat/Charges-Dropped-Against-Pizza-Hating-Prosecutor-53152402.html
"When we first heard the story of Miami-Dade prosecutor David Ranck punching a pizza delivery woman, we knew he needed anger management courses.
But that's it? Apparently so. Battery charges were dropped against the attorney under the condition he completes and passes an anger management course and does 25 hours of community service. Ranck could have faced a year in jail if he was convicted on the misdemeanor.
"There is no conviction. There is no adjudication. The case is dismissed,'' Ranck's defense attorney, Simon Steckel, told the Miami Herald. " Considering the facts of the case, it's a good resolution for everybody.''
While such a deal isn't totally out of line, punching a delivery woman for being a little late with your pizza and not speaking English is.
On May 30, 54-year-old Ranck allegedly attacked Yudisceus Rodriguez de Armas for not getting him his pizza in a timely fashion. Witnesses said there was a bit of a language barrier, which further frustrated an obviously hungry Ranck, who yelled at the delivery woman before striking her in the arm and knocking off her hat.
Maybe his former prosecutor buddies felt he had been punished enough since Ranck was forced to resign from his post as a division chief in June because of the heavy media attention. (There's more to this story, but it isn't relevant).
I couldn't help but try to take a stab at this scenario from an Anger Solutions perspective: Let's begin with understanding how anger develops and then look at how the TSA Model could have avoided the above outcomes.
Anger Develops when your experience of an event does not match your expectations. So Ranck was hungry. He wanted a pizza. He did the assertive thing and called in his order.
His expectation was that the order would be delivered in a timely manner (we don't know his definition of "timely" - but lets say, according to typical pizza delivery service standards, within 45 minutes). BUT his pizza was late.
To add insult to injury, his delivery woman did not speak fluent English. His expectations were not being met, and he experienced a "frustration signal" or a burst of anger.
Knowing this, what if when Ranck got his frustration signal, rather than take his anger out on this poor woman, he chose to TSA:
THINK:
What is happening? "My pizza is late - this lady doesn't speak English so it is making it hard for me to communicate my dissatisfaction to her."
What does this mean? "This is bad customer service. I'm unhappy about my perception of how I'm being treated. In the long run, this means nothing really - I am hungry, and my pizza is here. That's what matters."
How do I feel about what is happening? "I am feeling unhappy about the bad service, and frustrated because I can't communicate effectively with this woman. I'm hungry, and that is adding to my sense of agitation."
How would I like this to be resolved? "I deserve a discount or some other perk since my pizza was delivered so late. I really want to eat - gosh I'm starved!"
What can I do to resolve this situation? "Well... I have choices. I could take my frustration out on this delivery person. She is smaller than I am - I can take her. Besides, acting out my anger will feel really good in this moment, and I like the feeling of control and power that aggression gives me. My other choice is to just pay for the pizza and eat it - so I won't be so doggone hungry, and then call the pizza company and complain about their poor service."
What's the best thing that can happen if I choose to take my anger out on the delivery person? "I might get away with verbally and physically abusing this delivery person, and I'll feel really powerful in this moment."
What's the worst thing that can happen? "I could get arrested, and charged with assault. That would look pretty bad for me - might ruin my reputation. Jeez, I might even get fired!"
What's the best thing that can happen if I pay now, and complain later? "I won't be hungry anymore. I will be able to vent my frustration to someone who can help me, and I might even get a free pizza out of the deal."
What's the worst thing that can happen? "The pizza company won't care that I feel inconvenienced - and they won't give me any perks. In that case, I suppose, I'll just use a new pizza delivery company."
What will be my course of action? "I'll pay for the pizza but no tips. The fact is - she was late. I'll call the pizza company once my belly is full, and deal with the customer service issue later."
SAY: (Immediately) "You're late. Here's your money - No tip since you're late. Thanks for my pizza." (Later) "Hello, Mr. Pizza Guy - I ordered a pizza and it was really late. I couldn't communicate with your delivery person because of a language barrier, and I just found my whole experience with your company really frustrating. I'm ready to never use your service again, unless you can give me an incentive to stay a loyal customer. Convince me that you can provide better service than what I received tonight."
ASK: In this case, ask for a coupon, a discount offer, or a free calzone with the next purchase from Mr. Pizza Guy - whatever seems reasonable, given the circumstances. If Mr. Pizza Guy is not interested in helping out - decide to use ABC Pizza next time.
Had Mr. Ranck been well-versed in the Anger Solutions way, he would have achieved a much better outcome. He would have avoided the wild media attention he received, and he would have been able to maintain his employment status. This would have been just another day in the life of David Ranck, and a non-story for NBC Miami.
Want to know more about how Anger Solutions works? Contact us at www.angersolution.com.
"When we first heard the story of Miami-Dade prosecutor David Ranck punching a pizza delivery woman, we knew he needed anger management courses.
But that's it? Apparently so. Battery charges were dropped against the attorney under the condition he completes and passes an anger management course and does 25 hours of community service. Ranck could have faced a year in jail if he was convicted on the misdemeanor.
"There is no conviction. There is no adjudication. The case is dismissed,'' Ranck's defense attorney, Simon Steckel, told the Miami Herald. " Considering the facts of the case, it's a good resolution for everybody.''
While such a deal isn't totally out of line, punching a delivery woman for being a little late with your pizza and not speaking English is.
On May 30, 54-year-old Ranck allegedly attacked Yudisceus Rodriguez de Armas for not getting him his pizza in a timely fashion. Witnesses said there was a bit of a language barrier, which further frustrated an obviously hungry Ranck, who yelled at the delivery woman before striking her in the arm and knocking off her hat.
Maybe his former prosecutor buddies felt he had been punished enough since Ranck was forced to resign from his post as a division chief in June because of the heavy media attention. (There's more to this story, but it isn't relevant).
I couldn't help but try to take a stab at this scenario from an Anger Solutions perspective: Let's begin with understanding how anger develops and then look at how the TSA Model could have avoided the above outcomes.
Anger Develops when your experience of an event does not match your expectations. So Ranck was hungry. He wanted a pizza. He did the assertive thing and called in his order.
His expectation was that the order would be delivered in a timely manner (we don't know his definition of "timely" - but lets say, according to typical pizza delivery service standards, within 45 minutes). BUT his pizza was late.
To add insult to injury, his delivery woman did not speak fluent English. His expectations were not being met, and he experienced a "frustration signal" or a burst of anger.
Knowing this, what if when Ranck got his frustration signal, rather than take his anger out on this poor woman, he chose to TSA:
THINK:
What is happening? "My pizza is late - this lady doesn't speak English so it is making it hard for me to communicate my dissatisfaction to her."
What does this mean? "This is bad customer service. I'm unhappy about my perception of how I'm being treated. In the long run, this means nothing really - I am hungry, and my pizza is here. That's what matters."
How do I feel about what is happening? "I am feeling unhappy about the bad service, and frustrated because I can't communicate effectively with this woman. I'm hungry, and that is adding to my sense of agitation."
How would I like this to be resolved? "I deserve a discount or some other perk since my pizza was delivered so late. I really want to eat - gosh I'm starved!"
What can I do to resolve this situation? "Well... I have choices. I could take my frustration out on this delivery person. She is smaller than I am - I can take her. Besides, acting out my anger will feel really good in this moment, and I like the feeling of control and power that aggression gives me. My other choice is to just pay for the pizza and eat it - so I won't be so doggone hungry, and then call the pizza company and complain about their poor service."
What's the best thing that can happen if I choose to take my anger out on the delivery person? "I might get away with verbally and physically abusing this delivery person, and I'll feel really powerful in this moment."
What's the worst thing that can happen? "I could get arrested, and charged with assault. That would look pretty bad for me - might ruin my reputation. Jeez, I might even get fired!"
What's the best thing that can happen if I pay now, and complain later? "I won't be hungry anymore. I will be able to vent my frustration to someone who can help me, and I might even get a free pizza out of the deal."
What's the worst thing that can happen? "The pizza company won't care that I feel inconvenienced - and they won't give me any perks. In that case, I suppose, I'll just use a new pizza delivery company."
What will be my course of action? "I'll pay for the pizza but no tips. The fact is - she was late. I'll call the pizza company once my belly is full, and deal with the customer service issue later."
SAY: (Immediately) "You're late. Here's your money - No tip since you're late. Thanks for my pizza." (Later) "Hello, Mr. Pizza Guy - I ordered a pizza and it was really late. I couldn't communicate with your delivery person because of a language barrier, and I just found my whole experience with your company really frustrating. I'm ready to never use your service again, unless you can give me an incentive to stay a loyal customer. Convince me that you can provide better service than what I received tonight."
ASK: In this case, ask for a coupon, a discount offer, or a free calzone with the next purchase from Mr. Pizza Guy - whatever seems reasonable, given the circumstances. If Mr. Pizza Guy is not interested in helping out - decide to use ABC Pizza next time.
Had Mr. Ranck been well-versed in the Anger Solutions way, he would have achieved a much better outcome. He would have avoided the wild media attention he received, and he would have been able to maintain his employment status. This would have been just another day in the life of David Ranck, and a non-story for NBC Miami.
Want to know more about how Anger Solutions works? Contact us at www.angersolution.com.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
New Yorkers caught up in SPIN Rage!
This Just In:
New York broker accused in 'spin rage,' assault on gym member
Tue Sep 18, 11:50 PM
"NEW YORK (AP) - A Wall Street stock broker has been charged with assault after he became enraged during a cycling class at a posh health club and slammed a fellow member and his bike against a wall.
Christopher Carter, 44, a broker at Maxim Investments Group, was at Equinox gym taking a spin class, a high-impact workout using stationary bikes. He apparently became so fed up by member Stuart Sugarman's hooting and grunting during the workout that he picked up Sugarman and his bike and hurled them into a wall.
Samuel Davis, Sugarman's lawyer calls the incident an example of spin rage."
You KNOW I'm going to have something to say about this!
This is a classic example of super aggressive behaviour. Check out the whole article on Yahoo Canada news - notice that Carter shows no remorse for his behaviour. In his mind, he did what he had to do to get Sugarman to shut up, and got the result he wanted. Why in the world should he change his anger style?
Listen - people do what makes sense to them (said a man much wiser than I - William Glasser). In other words, they do what they believe will get them the results or outcomes they desire. Carter did what made sense for him at the time; however I'm guessing he was too caught up in the heat of the moment to see the criminal charges coming at him as a consequence of his choice. If it is true that Sugarman had to have back surgery as a result of the assault, the gym better have some strategy in place for damage control (such as banning the offender, Carter) - otherwise they may have a lawsuit on their hands as well.
How about this? Sugarman's lawyer calls this an "example of spin rage". What exactly does that mean? Is "spin rage" a common occurence in NYC? Is spin rage some kind of epidemic sweeping the city or is this another incident of the use of unnecessary force to resolve a stupid argument? The term "road rage" was coined in the late 80s / early 90s and has since been adapted to everything from office/desk rage to surf rage. It seems now that any act of aggression needs to have a label - it is almost as if giving it the label softens it somehow... "It was an act of spin rage, folks. If he hadn't been spinning, he never would have behaved that way." Do you see how ludicrous that sounds?
The truth is that aggressive people behave aggressively when they think it will get them what they want. The circumstance, environment, or people involved don't really matter - they just provide a setting for the aggression. Aggressive drivers are just aggressive drivers. Yes, sometimes people who are typically more docile will come upon an occasion in which they will totally lose their cool and act out of character; however, for the most part, when you see someone acting aggressively - it's because that's how they are MOST of the time. It is how they CHOOSE to be. So it will be interesting to see how this case pans out - will Carter get off or will the courts recognize that this guy is just a rich bully who is prepared to thrash people who get in his way? Maybe it works on Wall Street, but in the gym - think again.
New York broker accused in 'spin rage,' assault on gym member
Tue Sep 18, 11:50 PM
"NEW YORK (AP) - A Wall Street stock broker has been charged with assault after he became enraged during a cycling class at a posh health club and slammed a fellow member and his bike against a wall.
Christopher Carter, 44, a broker at Maxim Investments Group, was at Equinox gym taking a spin class, a high-impact workout using stationary bikes. He apparently became so fed up by member Stuart Sugarman's hooting and grunting during the workout that he picked up Sugarman and his bike and hurled them into a wall.
Samuel Davis, Sugarman's lawyer calls the incident an example of spin rage."
You KNOW I'm going to have something to say about this!
This is a classic example of super aggressive behaviour. Check out the whole article on Yahoo Canada news - notice that Carter shows no remorse for his behaviour. In his mind, he did what he had to do to get Sugarman to shut up, and got the result he wanted. Why in the world should he change his anger style?
Listen - people do what makes sense to them (said a man much wiser than I - William Glasser). In other words, they do what they believe will get them the results or outcomes they desire. Carter did what made sense for him at the time; however I'm guessing he was too caught up in the heat of the moment to see the criminal charges coming at him as a consequence of his choice. If it is true that Sugarman had to have back surgery as a result of the assault, the gym better have some strategy in place for damage control (such as banning the offender, Carter) - otherwise they may have a lawsuit on their hands as well.
How about this? Sugarman's lawyer calls this an "example of spin rage". What exactly does that mean? Is "spin rage" a common occurence in NYC? Is spin rage some kind of epidemic sweeping the city or is this another incident of the use of unnecessary force to resolve a stupid argument? The term "road rage" was coined in the late 80s / early 90s and has since been adapted to everything from office/desk rage to surf rage. It seems now that any act of aggression needs to have a label - it is almost as if giving it the label softens it somehow... "It was an act of spin rage, folks. If he hadn't been spinning, he never would have behaved that way." Do you see how ludicrous that sounds?
The truth is that aggressive people behave aggressively when they think it will get them what they want. The circumstance, environment, or people involved don't really matter - they just provide a setting for the aggression. Aggressive drivers are just aggressive drivers. Yes, sometimes people who are typically more docile will come upon an occasion in which they will totally lose their cool and act out of character; however, for the most part, when you see someone acting aggressively - it's because that's how they are MOST of the time. It is how they CHOOSE to be. So it will be interesting to see how this case pans out - will Carter get off or will the courts recognize that this guy is just a rich bully who is prepared to thrash people who get in his way? Maybe it works on Wall Street, but in the gym - think again.
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