Give Yourself Permission to Stress Less

At the many events at which I am invited to speak, I am often asked for “one simple tidbit” to help people manage their stress more effectively. In my book, Stress Less in 27 Days, I provide a toolkit equipping you with 26 simple and practical strategies to help you to cope with, decrease, or transform your consuming stress. However, if I were to produce just one tip for you, it would come in the form of this statement: managing your stress simply comes down to the permissions you give.

Think about it for a moment. If stress is a function of what happens when we perceive our demands to exceed our resources, then we are allowing our perceptions to generate stress inside us.

Consider this: we teach people (and circumstances) how to treat us. It’s true. Just let that sit for a moment. You teach people how to treat you. Look at how we allow this to happen.

When we feel hurt or disappointed, we brush it off and remain silent. Even though we know what we want, we defer to the decisions of others. When we need help, we don’t ask because of fear of rejection, pride, or not wanting to look stupid or helpless. When people ask us to take on more than we can handle, we hesitate to say no.

Listen: you are surrounded by people, places and things, all bombarding you with requests, needs, ideas, and problems. They are competing for whatever energy you have available, and they won’t take no for an answer. At least they won’t - until you learn how to educate them on who you are, what they can, and can’t do. When you define your negotiables and non-negotiables, then your universe will begin to respect you and your needs.

Here are some tips on how to begin educating your environment:

1. Start with defining your non-negotiables. Be clear about what your values are and your morals. Be clear about drawing the lines you will never cross.

2. Decide what is acceptable to you in terms of your own behavior and the behavior of others. By doing this before you are faced with questionable choices, decision making in the moment will be much easier.

3. Use proper phrasing to express your non-negotiables to others. Own up to what you feel, need, think, and want.

4. Try to keep yourself “Inventory-Free”. This means that you aim to leave every encounter with nothing unsaid, nothing stepped over, nothing un-requested, and nothing not acknowledged or appreciated. Doing this ensures that relationships stay healthy, and opportunities are grasped in the moment.

By defining what is negotiable and non-negotiable for you, you will be able to stand your ground about what you will permit, and what is not acceptable in your life. When you set clear boundaries, people will stop taking advantage of you, and your stress will decrease!

By Julie Christiansen, Author, International Speaker, Coach

President, Leverage U

www.angersolution.com

1-866-754-6169

International speaker, coach, and author, Julie Christiansen is President of Leverage U: helping individuals and teams to create positive, radical, lasting change.

Zero to 60: Shifting Gears

Not that long ago I was spending most of my time in my office, hunched over my desk, writing furiously, dealing with paperwork, and wondering why the phone wasn't ringing. It always seems that way in the winter months, when speaking engagements are not so plentiful, the days are cold and short, and moods are low due to the lack of sunlight. I was like a ship with limp sails - no current, no wind; dead in the water. Suddenly though, as spring burst forth (thankfully early this year), my energy levels began to increase and I felt like going outside! With renewed zest and enthusiasm, I returned to more active marketing and "putting myself out there", and, "presto"! The tide began to turn.

Now as I am in the throes of my "busy season", I continually marvel at how easy it is to go from the speed of Zero to 60 in just a short matter of time. I'm learning that one can never get too comfortable behind the wheel of life, because when you least expect it, you may have to shift gears and adjust to keep up with traffic. Of course, there are times when we may have to stay in the passing lane and drive a little harder in order to get where we're going, but it's perfectly fine to slip over to the slow lane and let the other "drivers" pass you by. Every once in a while, it is also beneficial to take the scenic route so that you can enjoy the journey and make the trip from A to B less stressful.

I have learned that while life in the fast lane can be wildly exciting, we can't always stay there. Nor can we stay parked at the rest stop indefinitely - should we do that, we would never reach our destination. Just as it is required for real world driving, BALANCE is key as we travel the road of life.

Recently at the NATCON 2010 Conference, a presenter told of how the natives of the Polynesian Islands mapped out the world around them, "The HoKule'a (ship) never moves. It simply waits; the axis mundi of the world, as the islands rise out of the sea to greet her." (from The Way Finder) Every so often, it is wise to shift gears; to become like the HoKule'a and wait patiently as the objects of our desired destination rise out of the sea to greet us.

Kids for Change - Helping Tanzanian Orphans

Today's show is dedicated to sharing the heart of Kids for Change - a cause which I am supporting, in the hopes of changing the futures of Tanzanian orphans. Listen, enjoy - and then come out and be a part of the change!