Anger Management Gone Wrong in Florida

So here's what came across the Anger Solutions news desk this morning, and I had to share... anger management only gets a small honorable mention in this story; however, it is notable to see that the events of this story played out immediately following an anger management class. To be fair, people who go to anger management classes with no intention to learn or change, will do neither. They will only get their certificate to prove to the judge that they attended and that seems to be enough.

Sadly, for the victim of this crime, the perpetrator's attendance to anger management was not enough in this case. Here's the story - the original version of which can be found at this link: http://www.dailycommercial.com/News/LakeCounty/012412fowler
Fowler gets 30 years
Published: Wednesday, January 25, 2012
LEESBURG
MILLARD K. IVES Staff Writer
millardives@dailycommercial.com
A man who killed his friend in anger, less than a day after leaving an anger management class, has been sentenced to 30 years in prison after pleading guilty to second-degree murder.
Jimmie Nathan Fowler, 29, apparently believed his estranged wife, Ruth Brown, was cheating with his friend, Willi Culpepper, when he shot him to death last year in Fowler's Montclaire Road home in Leesburg, according to Lake County sheriff's officials and prosecutors.
"He just wouldn't believe there wasn't anything going on between them," prosecutor Bill Gross said of Fowler.
A plea deal made this month calls for Fowler to serve at least 29 years of the sentence. He could have received life if convicted in a jury trial.
Fowler allegedly told his estranged wife afterwards that he had shot someone. He also told deputies where they could find the murder weapon.
According to Gross, the shooting occurred the early morning of June 19, 2011, apparently after Fowler, Culpepper and the latter's "almost" fiancee, Marry Kollydas, and others spent the wee hours of the morning drinking and doing drugs at Fowler's home.
Gross said Fowler was convinced that his wife, who had just moved out their home, and Culpepper were sleeping together, "maybe because they were seen at a bar at the same time."
Culpepper and Kollydas went to Fowler's home on June 18 in an attempt to convince Fowler he wasn't cheating with his estranged wife.
Gross added Fowler had just got home from an anger management meeting.
Culpepper thought he had convinced Fowler there was nothing going on between him and Brown, and even invited him to his home for dinner.
Afterward, the three went back to Fowler's home with at least one other person where a night of partying spilled into the next morning.
Gross said Culpepper was about to leave the home shortly before 6 a.m. when Fowler pulled out a .357-caliber handgun
According to an arrest affidavit, Kollydas told deputies that Fowler, went to a bedroom, grabbed a handgun out of a black bag under the bed, came back to the living room, and shot Culpepper in the arm and abdomen.
"Are you kidding me?" Culpepper allegedly said.
When Culpepper asked Fowler why he shot him, he responded, "Because you've been (messing) with my girl."
Fowler fled before being captured by deputies, the affidavit added. Culpepper was later pronounced dead at Leesburg Regional Medical Center.
Want to know about a viable alternative to anger management classes? Visit www.angersolution.com

Anger Solutions: Pain vs. Pleasure

People are always asking, "What makes Anger Solutions so much more effective than traditional anger management?" This is no simple question - as there are many facets of Anger Solutions that come together to make it an exceptional program. Today I want to share with you one of our great leveraging tools that help to contribute to our continued success. You heard about this a little from a previous posting in which I shared the story of Trey, and how I used pain as leverage to move him towards where he wanted to be.

This leveraging tool first conceptualized by Sigmund Freud is called, "The Pain/Pleasure Principle". It simply states that: Human beings will do more to avoid pain than they will to obtain pleasure.

Think about that for a minute: Human beings will do more to avoid pain than they will to obtain pleasure.

Ain't that the truth! Women will endure a great deal of abuse before they opt to leave a relationship. Employees will often put up with harrassment, put-downs, poor leadership, and all sorts of workplace challenges before they decide to leave a job. People will put up with all sorts of misbehaviour from loud, rowdy neighbours before they decide to call the police, start community action, or move to a quieter street. We have known this for years... that we must be highly frustrated or dissatisfied with a situation before we will attempt to make a change.

Why is this? Perhaps because there is safety in what we know. You've heard that old statement: "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't..." There is also a certain fear that is associated with changing - perhaps we will make the mistake of going from the frying pan into the fire.

This is also true when it comes to making behavioural change. It is so easy to do what we've always done - especially when there is some benefit in our current choice of action. Even if your present anger style is causing you pain, if you get the least amount of payoff from it, you will likely continue to use your old style because it is less painful than the perceived pain of trying to create change. We do this all the time - choose what we perceive to be the "lesser pain" rather than opting for what will bring us the "greater pleasure" in the long run.

Here's an example: Jon Smith is angry at his wife. He doesn't know how to talk to her without hurting her feelings, so he hides his anger by going out to the bars after work. This is causing him pain as well - because he is in effect alienating his wife and creating more distance between them. However, the perceived pain of confrontation is too much for him to handle so he avoids it by choosing the "lesser pain" of retreating to the bars. Jon's problem is that he has not considered the "greater pleasure" of what might happen if he sits down with his wife and has that difficult conversation. He is too afraid of the immediate discomfort and cannot see past that to how his relationship with his wife might be better if they just talk it out.

Anger Solutions challenges this way of thinking and encourages people to address the pain/pleasure principle on a conscious level. This proves to be an incredible leveraging tool - try it for yourself!

How would you apply the principle of pleasure and pain to the following situations?

1. Quitting smoking

2. Foolish binge spending

3. Losing you temper at work

Here's a Hint:

List the perceived benefits of each behaviour (or the "lesser pain") and remember what William Glasser says: "People do what makes sense to them..." If there is even a little benefit in the behaviour although it is painful, people will continue to do it.List the downside - what is truly painful about this behaviour (the "greater pain")?

Identify why it doesn't make sense. The key here is to emphasize the painful aspects or consequences of the behaviour...

Ask yourself: If by changing my behaviour, I could achieve the same or better feeling of pleasure without experiencing so much pain, would I change?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas to All!

I love this time of year because it is an opportunity to share in the joys of the season with those we love. It is also a time for me to reflect on the many blessings I have received and the lessons I have learned. Since my teenage years, I have always taken stock of my life right around the end of the year. Sometimes I didn't like what I saw when I looked back on my year - there were times when I realized that I had allowed other people to dictate my personality and my behaviour, and there were times that I was truly disappointed in myself. BUT - there were other times - that occured more frequently that I looked back and wondered, "How did I ever manage to accomplish that?"

This year I finally completed a task that I set out to accomplish in the fall of 2008 - that is the completion of my Masters Degree. I only wish my Mom could have been here to celebrate with me, but I know she was with me, encouraging me every step of the way. Now that my schooling (at least this stage of it) is finished, I am looking forward to new projects: research, more books, new program development, teaching, and of course, speaking engagements. Lets not forget too - the value of spending time with family and taking time for faith.

Since first going through the process of reflection and goal setting for the year to come, I have become more focused, more confident, and more determined to be the person that I believe God created me to be. My challenge to you this holiday season is to engage in a process of reflection and renewal for yourself. Take a look at what you have accomplished and how you have exceeded your own expectations. Then look ahead and begin to plan today for the life you want to create tomorrow. It was Henry Ford who said, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." What will you choose to be right about in this coming year?

From the depths of my heart, I would like to wish all my family, friends, colleagues, and partners the very best this Christmas, and may all the joy of the season be yours.