Lessons from the Masters Part 3 - Coaching Distinctions

This week I have been watching closely as I continue to make little shifts in my thinking and behaviour - and the results that follow. Last week I taught my students how to create a vision board as part of an extensive goal setting exercise. My vision board is not yet complete, because I want to be sure I am clearly visualizing my goals before I place them on the board. However, I put some key goals on the board around selling a certain number of books per year, and as a means to that end, to gain more exposure via radio, television, and print interviews. That was Thursday. On Friday, I received a call from CTS Television's "On the Line" saying that their Monday guest had to bow out due to an emergency, and could I be their expert guest for Monday's live show. Of course, I said yes. I sent out a quick email to my contact list to let them know that I would be on the show. On my arrival home from taping the live show in Burlington, I opened my email to see a note from CHCH TV in Hamilton asking if I would like to do a guest spot on one of their programs. The producer saw the email I sent out to my e-list, and thought that the topic of stress management would be a good fit for their show! How cool is that? The power of intention coupled with focused action created another opportunity for me to fulfill that goal of booking more interviews to promote my books.

Another cool thing that happened this week, also happened while I was taping "On the Line". I had an epiphany right in the middle of a conversation with a caller and it was this: All stress is FEAR-based. Think about it - we become stressed when we feel afraid that we lack the resources we need to meet the demands of a circumstance or event. Example: If I get stressed over an interview, it is because I am afraid I will sound stupid, or make a mistake, or say something that doesn't make any sense. I am afraid the host won't like me and won't ask me back on the show. If you get stressed over a project at work, it is because you are afraid you won't get it done on time, the boss won't like it, your peers or colleagues won't carry their end and you'll end up doing all the work, and so on. Knowing that our stress is based in fear gives us tremendous freedom because by tackling and subduing the fear, we in effect, subdue our stress. You can read more about Facing Your Fears in one of this blog's back entries, or in my book, Stress Less in 27 Days.

Last distinction I have made since beginning coaching with Lisa Nichols: In our first session she talked about "exposing the lies" - those things we have been told, or we have told ourselves that hold us back, keep us down, and prevent us from being our authentic selves. I was taken back to a time when I was much younger and I had struggled with a LIE put on me by a woman who had offered me a job, and I turned her down for a better opportunity. She told me I was irresponsible, and that I would never make anything of myself because I couldn't stick to a decision. What she said hurt me for a long time, and worse - it haunted me. Then, somewhere around 1995, began to dig deep through the layers of negative self talk, and I realized that I had been believing this lie she had implanted in me. So I wrote a poem about it, and in doing so - released the weight of the lie that had been on me for close to 10 years. Here it is... maybe it will help you to let go of a weight that ties you down.

For the Manager of Rockland Textiles, June 1986
This is for you who told me
I was making a mistake.
You were angry
But not at me.
I did not understand it then
But I do now
Someone must have failed you
Disappointed you miserably
And I, in the wrong place
At the wrong time
Stood silently, tearfully
The lamb before the slaughter
As you whipped me with your words,
Stripped me with your gaze,
Destroyed me with your vote of non-confidence.

Now for the record
Let it be known that you,
You made the mistake,
Not I.
The choice I made was right
For me and for you.
We cannot see
What lies ahead -- we must but
Trust our instincts as they
Lead us toward our destiny.
The mistake was yours
For resisting fate,
For shaking your fist at the
Heavens in defiance
For robbing another human being
Of her self-esteem
For contracting her self-respect.

I am beyond that now.
I understand.
You were angry but not at me.
Someone failed you
Disappointed you miserably
And I, I was there for you
In the right place
At the right time
We cannot see what lies ahead
We must but trust our instincts
(I have followed mine)
As they lead us toward
Our destiny.
(c) 1996, Julie Christiansen

LIVE October 24th - Time Management and Overcoming Conflict

On October 24th, 2008, join international speaker and author, Julie Christiansen for two dynamic interactive workshops: Time Management for Real People, and Overcoming Conflict and Negativity. Both workshops will take place at the Holiday Inn St. Catharines, 2 South Service Road, near the QEW and Lake Street. You may register for one session only ($99 each includes refreshments, workbook, and a free E-Book), or attend both and pay only $180. Click on the image at the left to see a full-sized registration form - you may print, complete and fax it to the number provided to reserve your spot. Space is limited to the first 15 registrants, so don't miss out!

Ahhhhh - Time to Breathe

It was Steve's and my great privilege to spend 4 glorious days in Sault Ste. Marie this past weekend with my dear friend and colleague, Tom Caswell and his beautiful wife, Sandy. I couldn't possibly list all the details of the trip here - but I will say this... there is nothing like a good dose of raw nature to help you put your life in perspective. This past weekend was one of FIRSTS. I facilitated my first workshop under the banner of Transform[ED] for professionals in the human services field in the Sault. I also had the great honour of sitting down with some of the Canadian Mental Health Association's Anger Solutions graduates to hear first hand how the program has impacted their lives, and to share additional insights with them about how they can continue their personal transformation process.

I can't tell you the range of emotions I have experienced this weekend - but just in those two events, I must say that I am continually humbled by the effect that this work (Anger Solutions, Stress Busters, Getting Past Your Past - aka Transform[ED]) has on those who come in contact with it. My husband Steve asked me how it felt to have "celebrity status"... my only reply is that I couldn't care less about it. What is most important to me is the fact that in some small way, I am helping others to help themselves. If being somewhat of a celebrity helps that along - so be it... however, my passion is the work itself - and I am honoured to be gifted with the ability to serve others.

Another emotion or state of being that I experienced this weekend was that of "letting go". It is something that I encourage people to do via our various programs; however, I have been "holding on" to too much for far too long. This weekend away in the bush was as much about de-compressing my mind as it was relaxing my body. The "letting go" occured in stages - first just sitting on the dock in the quiet with my honey, admiring the serene beauty of Devil's Lake; then, canoeing around the pristine waters as the sun ducked low behind the horizon... Then, standing on the shores of a rocky point, lithely casting a lure out into the lake, hoping for a catch - and then again as I experienced the euphoric thrill of barrelling through the forest on the back of a 4-wheeler for the first time in my life... Every aspect of the experience was fantastic - and as I took in everything around me, I found that the burdens and cares I had carried to camp were quietly slipping away.

At the beginning of September at the CAASP retreat, I was given an "inspiration card", which encouraged me to "pray in solitude" in order to quiet the myriad of thoughts constantly running through my over-active brain. The weekend in the Sault allowed me to do just that - to get back in touch with who I am (without celebrity status, parenting responsibilities, business obligations, new programs being created in my head, and all of that). It was my opportunity to just breathe.

I am sure that in the days to come, as I review the hundreds of photos that were taken, and as I think about the many adventures we packed into one short weekend, that there will be some key lessons learned that I can share with you. But for today, please indulge me as I just bask in the after-effects of a wonderful time away from the everyday...

Our many thanks to the Canadian Mental Health Association of Sault Ste. Marie for inviting me to come and share my vision with their community. And of course, Steve and I cannot thank Sandy and Tom enough for their kind hospitality. Finally, I would be remiss if I did not say a special thank you to Taz (pictured here with Steve) and Wiley for making our stay at camp a warm and friendly time. With a little help from your friends, it is possible to slow down and catch your breath.