Anger Solutions at Work: How to Cope with a Bully Boss

Anger Solutions at Work: How to Cope with a Bully Boss
Bullying at work is a form of workplace violence. By implementing sound strategies, and ensuring all employees are on the same page, employers and workers alike can reduce the risk and make work a safer place to be. In the province of Ontario it is the employer’s duty to provide a safe working environment. Failure to do so is punishable by law, and in severe cases could result in hefty fines and even jail time.
Knowing the law and your company’s internal policies is paramount to dealing with a bully boss. Ask questions. Visit websites that discuss labour law in Canada. Find out what protection exists for you and your co-workers within your company and in the legislation.
Make sure you document behaviours, dates, times, and witnesses, so that you have accurate information to report. Talk to your health and safety representative, union steward, or to the person who supervises your boss. Let’s face it, in a perfect world, the buck would stop there; however, the truth is that very often, complaints against bully bosses go unheard or unaddressed. It is also true, that others who privately say they will back you up, will often back out when the poop hits the fan, leaving you in the lurch without viable witnesses. Then, it is your word against the boss. (Again, this is why documentation is so valuable.)
Should you end up in a situation where you have tried all avenues and the boss is still allowed to continue with the offending behaviours, you may have to take matters into your own hands. Here are some suggestions that may prove helpful.
• Call the boss on his/her behaviour. If the bullying you are encountering comes across in the form of veiled threats, use negative inquiry. Example: “Are you saying that if I don’t improve on my performance that you are going to fire me?” By bringing the threat out into the open, the boss now has to own it, rather than hide behind it. Remember that manipulation only works as long as you don’t realize you’re being manipulated! Bring any such tactics out in the open, and don’t be surprised if the bully starts backpedaling big-time.
• Be clear about what behaviour is making you uncomfortable, and indicate what works for you. “When you talk to me that way in front of my co-workers, it makes me feel belittled and humiliated. I would really appreciate it if from now on you would share any criticisms in private.”
• Do your job to the best of your ability. If you are struggling, ask for help from the others on your team. If it comes down to the word of the boss against yours, your work will speak for itself. Better to have a solid performance record than a weak one.
• Take it to your union, the labour board, or a labour lawyer. Remember that allowing workplace bullying to continue unchecked is a criminally punishable offence under the law. You don’t have to take the abuse – the law is on your side.
• Start looking for another job. Unfortunately there are plenty of lousy bosses out there, but there are lots of great employers too. Before you get to the point at which you have lost every last shred of your self esteem, prime your resume, and get back in the job search saddle. No one says you have to put up with continued abuse from a workplace bully – especially if that bully has authority over you. Take control of your own destiny, and get out before it’s too late.
This article is excerpted from a free 4-page report “Coping with Workplace Violence”. To receive a copy of the report, contact Julie Christiansen by visiting her website: http://www.angersolution.com/.

Can Your Team Survive?

The process of elimination is everywhere in our cultural psyche these days. With elimination game shows (under the guise of “reality television”) proliferating our prime time entertainment, it is not implausible to think that the tactics we see displayed on the small screen might spill over into our thinking about workplace interactions. But can workplace teams survive the new “top dog” mentality?

In almost every elimination game show, the players must face and overcome a challenge. Sometimes, they are given the opportunity to work in teams, or to team up against other players; however, the understanding that only one player can win is never far from each player’s mind. So, although the teams may work together to win a challenge, the motivation to win is never ultimately for the good of the team; the team only functions because to do so fits the individual motivations and machinations of each player.

Look at this now from a workplace perspective. An organization exists to fulfill its mission. It hires individual people to work in teams that can work together to carry out certain tasks that fit the mission and vision of the organization. What would happen if each member of the team approached their duties with the “top dog” mindset – working with others on the surface, while making subtle attempts to undermine the credibility and the effectiveness of the other team members? What if team players worked like the elimination game players, holding clandestine meetings, forming alliances, and plotting to remove other players from the field for their own gain? Would the team survive? The more pressing question is: would the company survive?

The sad truth is that although history proves that backstabbing, water cooler talk, and inside alliances for the purposes of bringing about the demise of someone else’s career are not tactics that promote a healthy, thriving workplace, our current cultural climate promotes doing exactly that. Nonetheless, it is not too late to bring back the time-honoured principles of loyalty, moral commitments, integrity, and honesty to the team environment.

The words of Commander Spock come to mind when I think of teams: “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of one.” Taking the “survival of the fittest” mentality to work only undermines productivity, breeds negativity, and depletes the morale of the team – ultimately resulting in financial losses for the company. Working together in strong, productive teams is the only way for businesses to survive in today’s dog-eat-dog climate. That’s why with teams, “Together Everyone Achieves More.”

If you'd like to learn how to help your team survive and thrive in these challenging times, call Leverage U (http://www.angersolution.com/) at 1-866-754-6169 to learn about our dynamic Workplace Survivor: Extreme Team Building program.

Well - You Can't Control That!

Well - you can’t control THAT!

It seems that whenever I am scheduled to facilitate a Stress Busters program or focusing on the Stress Management aspect of my work, that things crop up to test my own ability in the area of stress and anger resolution. The last time I ran a Stress Busters course, I had a lot of speaking engagements booked back-to-back. With my schedule in mind, I planned my print/ship schedule for recent book orders in advance. However, due to circumstances beyond my control, I missed my ship time, and had to send materials out the next day. The items were picked up early in the a.m., so I expected all to go well. No worries - move on to something else... except - the next day, tracking showed that my boxes were stranded on a truck and would not make the delivery deadline. Instant stress.

Remember - stress is defined as a feeling that occurs when the current demands exceed the perceived resources available. So I started looking for resources in the hopes that my stress would be resolved along with the problem. I called my printer and arranged for them to do an emergency re-print of the materials. Then I hunted down another courier who claimed they could get my delivery in on time if I got it out before 5 p.m. OK - things were looking up. I got my reprints, ran across town to the courier and shipped it off. Then, I scooted back home again to deal with everything else that had been placed on the back burner while I managed this crisis.

I went off and facilitated my Stress Busters session and reminded myself that we can only deal with what we can control. Everything else is… well... a waste of time if we worry about it.
As it happens, when I checked the tracking number of my new shipment it turned out that an attempt had been made to deliver, but there was apparently no one there to sign for it - so they kept it, and would try again Monday. The problem is - they needed it NOW - Monday would be too late. That was the last straw.

So what are you gonna do? Absolutely nothing. I can't control the courier or what s/he does with my package. I can't control the recipient. I can't control what is happening on the other end where the package should be - but isn't. All I can control is this overwhelming urge to curl up in fetal position and cry.

Seriously - if this isn't a teachable moment, what is? If I can borrow from Oprah's favourite line, "What I know for sure" is that stuff happens. There is some stuff you can avoid or prevent, but sometimes despite your best efforts, things will just go horribly, horribly wrong. You can't explain it, and you can't control it. All you can do is control your own responses so that you can get to the best possible outcome.

Through this I have learned that trying to be accommodating on one end can cause huge inconveniences on another - and there must always be a balance between the two. I have learned that we must always factor in at least 20% more time than is ever needed to do ANYTHING - including delivering packages. I have learned that overnight delivery, can often mean 2-3 business days - thank you very much. And I have learned that I can never know enough about how to cope through crisis - because just when you think you've seen it all, God drops a new one in your lap.

Listen up… The last straw is falling. It may not have landed yet. In fact, you may not be feeling that stressed or overwhelmed at all right now. But life is just like that: just as we get used to living with a level of stress that is manageable, all of a sudden things can heat up without warning. The straw is falling. Somewhere, sometime, perhaps when you least expect it, it will land on you. Are you ready for it?

My new book, When the Last Straw Falls: 30 Ways to Keep Stress from Breaking Your Back, was written to equip you with everything you need to prevent the proverbial “last straw” from breaking you. It is available now from my website, www.angersolution.com/laststraw.php. Here are a few parting tips. When Stress Threatens to Overwhelm You:
• Breathe deeply – regulate your physical response
• Talk stressors through with others
• Check your attitudes & beliefs
• Laugh! It is the best medicine
• Change your perspectives
• Don’t allow the past to muddy the present

Lastly, when you are faced with circumstances that are completely beyond your power to change, shrug your shoulders, throw your hands up and say, “Well – You can’t control that!”
Written for The Anger Solutions Blog, http://angersolution.blogspot.com/

By Julie Christiansen, Author, International Speaker, Coach
President, Leverage U
www.angersolution.com
1-866-754-6169