Anger Lady on CTS Television: Overcoming Obstacles

CTS Television: Online Video Player

Watch this most recent appearance of Julie Christiansen (a.k.a. The Anger Lady) on CTS TV's "On the Line" - this nationally broadcast call-in show always gets lots of calls and promises engaging conversation every time. Enjoy!

Three Things I Couldn't Live Without

OK so I admit, this isn't an original idea. I was listening to the CBC radio the other day and heard some folks talking about 3 things they couldn't live without and it made me wonder, what would I say if I were asked that question? "What 3 things would you not be able to live without?"

Hmmm... let me start by listing all the things I sometimes feel like I can't do without but I know for a fact are not essential:

• sexy underwear
• chocolate
• my Blackberry
• my car
• modern methods of communication
• CSI Miami, House, and The Mentalist
• new shoes
• manicures and pedicures
• therapeutic hot stone massage
• ahhh you get the message!

Of course, the essential three things we cannot live without are air, food, and water. But if I were to look at my life metaphorically in terms of really LIVING, there are certain things I could not live without:
1. My family - I love them - even when they make me crazy (and that is more often than not). It is like the kids know whenever I have money - and suddenly, they have all these NEEDS that just have to supersede mine. And of course, because I am Mom, I take care of what they need first. So very often that means I have to forgo the sexy underwear new shoes and the chocolate, because once the kids' NEEDS are taken care of, I'm left with barely enough sense, I mean cents to rub together. BUT I love them all the same. My spouse is another story. He can be a hard man to live with, but then again, I don't know a man who wouldn't be hard to live with. Men are just... DIFFERENT! I'm sure I am just as much a mystery to my spouse, so there you go. We make each other crazy, but we were meant to be together, and the fact is - I wouldn't want to live my life without him or our kids. My extended family falls into this category as well, along with those friends who are close enough for me to count them family. And let's be honest - there are some friends we could live without.
2. My faith - Hey: one of the basic tenets of Anger Solutions is that belief is the basis of action. My faith is one of my most fundamental beliefs. It makes me who I am. It drives me forward, and sometimes yanks me back. It is what keeps me grounded. When I am in distress, that is where I turn. When I am at the top of my game, that is what I credit. Could I LIVE without it? Absolutely not.
3. Money money money! Unfortunately, the way life goes - money has to be my third thing. Lets face it. Money makes the world go round (not literally, folks!). Seriously - without money, one cannot buy food, one cannot pay for one's clean water, and one can certainly not meet all of her children's NEEDS. Without money, there is no sexy underwear, no chocolate, no new shoes, no nice car, very often - there are no friends, no Blackberry... you see where this is going!

So there you have it. Family, Faith, & Money. Three things I could not live without. Now, if you would please excuse me, I hear my kids calling.

Give Yourself Permission to Stress Less

At the many events at which I am invited to speak, I am often asked for “one simple tidbit” to help people manage their stress more effectively. In my book, Stress Less in 27 Days, I provide a toolkit equipping you with 26 simple and practical strategies to help you to cope with, decrease, or transform your consuming stress. However, if I were to produce just one tip for you, it would come in the form of this statement: managing your stress simply comes down to the permissions you give.

Think about it for a moment. If stress is a function of what happens when we perceive our demands to exceed our resources, then we are allowing our perceptions to generate stress inside us.

Consider this: we teach people (and circumstances) how to treat us. It’s true. Just let that sit for a moment. You teach people how to treat you. Look at how we allow this to happen.

When we feel hurt or disappointed, we brush it off and remain silent. Even though we know what we want, we defer to the decisions of others. When we need help, we don’t ask because of fear of rejection, pride, or not wanting to look stupid or helpless. When people ask us to take on more than we can handle, we hesitate to say no.

Listen: you are surrounded by people, places and things, all bombarding you with requests, needs, ideas, and problems. They are competing for whatever energy you have available, and they won’t take no for an answer. At least they won’t - until you learn how to educate them on who you are, what they can, and can’t do. When you define your negotiables and non-negotiables, then your universe will begin to respect you and your needs.

Here are some tips on how to begin educating your environment:

1. Start with defining your non-negotiables. Be clear about what your values are and your morals. Be clear about drawing the lines you will never cross.

2. Decide what is acceptable to you in terms of your own behavior and the behavior of others. By doing this before you are faced with questionable choices, decision making in the moment will be much easier.

3. Use proper phrasing to express your non-negotiables to others. Own up to what you feel, need, think, and want.

4. Try to keep yourself “Inventory-Free”. This means that you aim to leave every encounter with nothing unsaid, nothing stepped over, nothing un-requested, and nothing not acknowledged or appreciated. Doing this ensures that relationships stay healthy, and opportunities are grasped in the moment.

By defining what is negotiable and non-negotiable for you, you will be able to stand your ground about what you will permit, and what is not acceptable in your life. When you set clear boundaries, people will stop taking advantage of you, and your stress will decrease!

By Julie Christiansen, Author, International Speaker, Coach

President, Leverage U

www.angersolution.com

1-866-754-6169

International speaker, coach, and author, Julie Christiansen is President of Leverage U: helping individuals and teams to create positive, radical, lasting change.